


If I Lose What Is Loved

by Olsies



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bisexual Stanley Uris, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gay Richie Tozier, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Past Suicide Attempt, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stan Lives, eddie still dies though sorry, everyone has it, patty uris is the best and deserves all the love, yes patty too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olsies/pseuds/Olsies
Summary: In the aftermath of Eddie's death at the claws of Pennywise Richie has a falling out with the rest of the Losers Club. A promise of solace and reconciliation comes from the last place Richie expected: Stan is alive and recovering in Atlanta. Stan is alive.
Relationships: Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier & Patricia Blum Uris, Richie Tozier/Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. And I Don't Care If You Don't Understand Why I Cry

**Author's Note:**

> quick note: ben is an nb lesbian. i couldn't super make it fit in this story, but it's a thing, and i will be adding some one offs, and there will probably be one exploring that. if not, there will just be other fics in general with nb ben, because. because.

There is a soft knock on the door.

Richie doesn't move, doesn't breathe.

"Richie, honey? Are you awake?" It's Beverly. "We need to talk."

But Richie doesn't want to talk, can't talk. He's still wearing the shirt with Eddie's blood on it, and he doesn't want to move.

"It's…" She hesitates. "It's about Stan." A bubble forms in the pit of Richie's stomach and makes its way up his chest. "He's alive."

Richie moves very slowly. He goes to the door and opens it a crack.

"He's what?"

"He's alive. He's in the hospital but he's… He's alive, Richie." She tries to reach through the door for him, but he pulls away.

"What hospital?"

Within hours, Richie is on a flight to Atlanta despite the others trying to get him to wait so they could go together. Richie doesn’t want to spend one more minute in fucking _Maine_ than he has to.

The others will be there soon enough. He doesn't even take his bag, just leaves his stuff trusting the others to bring it with them.

It's mid-afternoon when he gets to the hospital. It's busy with people rushing in and out. He asks for Stan's room and heads up to the elevator. He gets off and looks around. A woman he doesn't recognize comes over to him.

"Richie?"

"Yes?" He pauses. "Patty?"

She nods. "Stan's this way."

Silently, he follows her. He knows he should probably ask how she is, offer support and all that, but all he can see is Eddie floating above him. All he wants to see is Stan, the best friend he'd forgotten.

When they get to Stan's room, they go in. Lying on the bed, Stan looks pale, and Richie nearly loses it. He lets out a small sob, and Patty bites her lip.

"I'll be outside." She leaves without waiting for an answer.

Trying to push back another sob, Richie pulls his arms to his chest and walks over to the bed. They don't say anything for a moment.

“Stan. Eh- Eds-” Richie tries.

“I know,” Stan whispers. “I know.” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Richie flops into the visitor’s chair and lets out the sobs he’d been holding in all morning. After getting himself a little more in control, he scoots closer but hesitates.

“I- I missed you, Stanny.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Are you- Are you ok?”

Stan shrugs. “They say I’m going to be ok.” He pauses. “I’m- I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, Stanny,” Richie says. He leans forward. “It all happened so quick. There’s- There’s nothing-” He sobs again and leans forward. Stan slides his fingers through Richie’s hair, stroking gently. Richie scoots a little closer, arms out for a hug, and Stan flinches away.

“I can’t do hugs right now,” Stan whispers. Richie’s face crumbles, and he starts to pull away. “But… Can I hold your hands?”

Richie lets out a squeak and takes Stan’s hands in his. He kisses Stan’s knuckles gently. Stan leans over and kisses Richie’s hair and then pushes their foreheads together. Richie cries himself to sleep.

He wakes up hours later to Patty coming in. Richie doesn’t move. He’s still holding one of Stan’s hands, and the other is gently stroking Richie’s hair.

“The others are here in Atlanta,” Patty tells Stan. “They got a room for him. Should we wake him up?”

“No,” Stan says. “Let him sleep. He needs it.”

“Ok, baby duck,” Patty says. “I’ll let them know.” She comes over and kisses Stan’s hair. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Stan says. When they are alone, Stan leans over and kisses Richie’s hair. “Love you, too.” Richie doesn’t say anything, just squeezes Stan’s hand and goes back to sleep.

***

A few hours later, Richie wakes up and takes a deep breath letting out slowly. Stan is still holding his hand, but they are not alone. Sitting up, Richie puts on his glasses.

Bev smiles cautiously as he looks around.

“Hey, honey, how-” She stops when Richie abruptly gets up and leaves the room. His mouth is dry and he’s groggy. Patty is just outside the door.

“Bathroom?” He asks.

“Just over there.” She points down the hall.

“Thanks.” He walks down the hall and past a small waiting room. His other friends are all sitting there. They miss him as he walks _to_ the bathroom, but he’s not so lucky on his way back.

“Richie!” Ben calls. They are all on their feet.

Richie ignores Ben, but he doesn’t get far before someone tries to grab him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Richie shrieks. He turns and watches Bill pull away as people stare. “Just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you people.”

He continues down the hall and pops his head back in Stan’s room. Bev and Stan are talking quietly, but Patty is sitting in the corner. She looks up when she hears the door open.

“Patty, can I talk to you please?” Richie asks. Bev looks up and starts to say something, but Richie just steps back out into the hall. Patty comes out a minute later.

“Yes?” She asks softly.

“If we trade numbers, will you tell me when they leave?” He pulls out his phone. The battery is low, but it should be enough.

“They got you a room at the hotel with them,” Patty says as she takes his phone and types in her number.

Richie licks his lips. He doesn’t know this woman, doesn’t know how to make her understand there is no way in hell he’s leaving the hospital, so he just nods. As soon as she gives him back his phone, he takes off for the cafeteria. It’s almost closed when he gets there, but they let him buy some coffee, a banana, and some chips, but they tell him he has to eat somewhere else.

So he wanders, and tries desperately to not think about Eddie.

When his phone goes off, it’s Bill, not Patty.

_Bill 8:57 pm: Visiting hours are almost over. Come say goodnight to Stan so we can take you to the hotel._   
_Bill 8:58 pm: You don’t have to talk to us, but we need to know you’re safe._

Richie frowns at his phone and walks back to Stan’s room. Bill is waiting for him, arms crossed over his chest as he talks to Stan. They stop when Richie comes in.

“The others have gone on ahead. Take your time,” Bill murmurs.

“You can go. I’m not leaving,” Richie says.

“Richie, you can’t stay here. The hospital won’t let you.”

“I’m not leaving,” Richie insists, his voice breaking. Stan sighs.

“You have to go, Richie,” Stan whispers.

Richie wipes a tear out of his eyes. “But-”

“It will be ok,” Stan whispers.

Richie walks over to Stan’s bed and sits down in the chair next to the bed. “Please. Please don’t make me go.”

“You can come back in the morning,” Stan says.

Sobbing, Richie shakes his head, no. “I- I don’t- I can’t-” He sits and shoves his face into the side of Stan’s hip. “Please, Stan. Please.”

“Richie, I’m going home tomorrow. You can-” Stan starts but Richie just shakes his head, no.

“Please, Stanny.”

No one says anything for several minutes, and Richie is pretty sure they are having a silent conversation over his head. Richie doesn’t care.

“I’ll go talk to the nurses,” Patty says eventually, and leaves. Richie takes Stan’s hand and squeezes tightly. She comes back a minute later.

“Only one of us can stay,” Patty says and Richie’s chest tightens. “Your friends are staying at a hotel five minutes away, so I’ll stay there tonight.”

“Patty,” Stan whispers.

“It’s ok. I’ll be back early with coffee.” She kisses Stan’s cheek. “Get some sleep.”

And then they are alone. Richie takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” Richie whispers.

“It’s ok. Patty hasn’t slept in a bed since…”

Squeezing Stan’s hand, they just lay there until they fall asleep.

Richie dreams of the caverns and wakes up screaming.

A nurse comes rushing in and is confused to find a forty something year old man sobbing uncontrollably into her patient’s side.

“Is everything ok?” She asks.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Stan says as he strokes Richie’s hair.

“Can I- Do you need anything?” The nurse asks.

“No, we’re fine,” Stan says. The nurse hesitates, but leaves eventually. Richie’s sobs quiet, but they don’t lessen. Stan just strokes his hair, and makes soft soothing noises.

After a bit, Richie calms down, but he just lays with his head on Stan’s side.

“I wish-” Stan starts. Richie kisses the palm of Stan’s hand.

“I have to use the toilet,” Richie says. Stan points to a door and Richie gets up. Once inside, he hesitates closing the door, but does eventually. After peeing, Richie washes his face and goes back to Stan.

He sits on the chair and leans forward to take Stan’s hand. Stan strokes his hair as they fall back to sleep.

When Richie wakes up again, it’s so early the sun is barely coming up, and Stan is snoring softly. Slowly, Richie gets up and stretches, his back popping. He’s sore. Rubbing his face, he realizes he must look like fucking garbage. He goes to the bathroom again.

He takes some time using the toilet and washing his face. He finds some toothpaste and squirts it into his mouth, swishing it around a little. After rinsing out his mouth, Richie turns off the light and goes back out to find Patty is back. She’s lying on the bed next to Stan, their arms around each other, foreheads pressed together as they whisper softly.

They haven’t noticed him, so he retreats back into the bathroom. He rests his head against the door, eyes closed. He tries to not think about Ben and Bev kissing at the Townhouse when they thought he wasn’t looking. It’s all so unfair, and he can’t stand it. But Patty and Stan didn’t do anything wrong. Patty seems like such a nice woman, and Stan deserves someone nice. Richie is happy they found each other.

A few minutes later, there is a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“Richie?” Patty asks. “Are you ok in there?”

“I’m fine,” Richie calls back. “I’ll be out in a minute. He takes a deep breath, splashes some more water on his face, and leaves the bathroom. Patty smiles tiredly at him.

“Here’s your coffee,” Patty says. Richie reaches for it, their fingers brushing together a little.

“Thank you, Patty. For everything.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Richie takes the coffee and sits back down. Stan and Patty talk quietly while Patty starts gathering up Stan’s things.

Richie just floats in and out of paying attention to the conversation until there is a knock on the door. Patty opens it and the Losers come in. Richie gets up and Stan takes his hand.

“I can’t,” Richie whispers.

“Don’t go far?” Stan asks. Richie nodes and leaves. His friends don’t try to stop him, but their eyes linger. He goes to the waiting room and finds a vending machine. He buys some cheese crackers and chocolate before sitting down. There is a TV on, but he’s not really paying attention even as he stares up at it.

A bit later, Patty comes to find him.

“They’re releasing Stan in an hour,” she says. “Your friends are staying for a few days, but I’m guessing you don’t want to stay with them.”

Richie wants to ask how much Patty knows, but instead just says, “Not really.”

“Bill said he can bring your stuff to our house.”

Swallowing hard, Richie just nods. Relief floods through his system. He wants to thank her, but his mouth isn’t working. They just sit in silence for a moment and then Richie squeezes her shoulder. She smiles at him.

He waits for her to say something like ‘ _everything is going to be ok_ ,’ but she doesn’t. Then he realizes she’s had a fucked week, too. His chest tightens at the thought of her finding Stan in the tub, and he squeezes her shoulder a little tighter. He doesn’t know this woman, but Stan loves her, and she loves Stan. She didn’t deserve to find Stan like that.

A bit later, Mike comes to the waiting room. Richie leaves. He wishes they would all just leave and get back to their lives.

He wanders the halls for about forty minutes before heading back to Stan’s room. The others are standing around talking quietly, and Stan is smiling sadly at them. Richie leans against the wall and waits.

He watches Ben and Bev holding hands, watches as Bill takes Mike’s hand when Bill starts crying. He watches and feels his anger grow.

At another point in their lives, Richie would have just pulled them close, and they would have all held each other and cried. Part of him still wants to do this, wants to pull them close, but after they left Neibolt and went back to the Townhouse, the thought of touching them makes his skin fucking crawl.

He can’t believe they just left Eddie like he was nothing.

Vaguely he wonders if someone told his wife, but decides he doesn’t care. What little Eddie had said about her was enough for Richie to know he hated her.

Eventually a nurse comes in to escort Stan out. The others chatter softly and Richie follows a few steps back. He follows Patty and Stan to their car while the others get in a car one of them rented.

When they get to the house, Richie hopes the others will just leave, but they don’t. Instead he hides in the guest room where he just lays on his side and stares at the door.

Several hours later, someone knocks on the door. When Richie doesn’t say anything, the person opens the door. Stan and Richie make eye contact, and Stan’s lip trembles.

“Can I come in?” Stan asks.

Nodding, Richie shifts and makes room for Stan on the bed. Stan closes the door quietly behind him and slides onto the bed. Richie pulls him close as Stan lets out a soft sob. Richie grips the back of Stan’s shirt _so_ tightly.

“Oh, Richie. I’m so sorry I wasn't there. I should have been there.”

“It’s ok, Stan. It’s ok.”

“But it’s not,” Stan sobs. “Maybe if I’d been there-”

“It happened so fast. One minute-” He sees Eddie’s triumphant face. “One minute he thought he’d killed It, and the next-” He sees Eddie floating above him, sees Eddie leaned up against the wall, sees Eddie as the others pull him away. “He deserved better, but there’s nothing you could have done.”

“The others told me you kept trying to go back.”

Licking his lips, Richie begins to cry. “I didn’t want to let him go. I never got a chance to tell him-” He swallows. “I never got the chance to tell him how much I love him.”

Very gently, Stan kisses his forehead, and they stop talking, and just hold each other as they cry until Richie falls asleep.

When he wakes up Stan is gone.

Richie grabs his phone to check the time and as soon as he picks it up, it begins to ring. It’s his agent. Rubbing his face, Richie answers it.

“Hey,” Richie says.

“Hey? _Hey_?! You don’t answer your phone for a week, and when you do it’s just-”

“Shut the fuck up Russell,” Richie snaps. “It’s been-”

“Where _the fuck_ are you?” Russell interrupts.

“Atlanta.”

“What? I thought you were going to Maine.”

“Cancel my tour,” Richie says.

“Canc- Richie! What the fuck?”

“Cancel my tour. My best friend tried to commit suicide and my other best friend died in an accident. I’m not leaving Atlanta any time soon. I need to be with my friend while he recovers.”

“Friend? What friend? You aren’t making any sense, Richie! Last week you up and leave with barely any notice and-”

Richie rubs his face with his free hand. Christ he’s tired. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand. Just- Please. Do this for me.”

“Richie what-” But Richie hangs up.

He lays there for a few more minutes but eventually gets up and opens the door. The house is dark and quiet, but he can hear a TV playing softly in the distance. He leaves the room and Patty looks up as he comes into the living room. Stan is laying with his head in her lap, asleep.

“Hey,” Patty whispers. “You hungry? There’s some leftovers in the fridge. Help yourself to whatever.”

Richie nods and goes to the kitchen. He’s not hungry but he knows he should eat. He opens the fridge and finds some Chinese food. He eats it cold out of a bowl he finds in the strainer standing by the counter. When he’s done, he washes his bowl and goes back to the living room.

Stan is awake now, but he’s still laying with his head in Patty’s lap. Not wanting to disturb them, Richie swallows hard and starts down the hall.

“You can join us if you want,” Stan says.

Richie hesitates in the hall but eventually goes back to the living room. He sits in a large armchair, curling in on himself.

“If you’re cold, there are blankets in the foot stool,” Stan says. Richie’s not, but he knows the power of a good blanket. He sits up, grabs a blanket, and curls back up in the chair to watch TV.


	2. I Prefer the Sound of You When You are Away

The next morning, Richie takes a shower and puts on some cleaner clothes. He’s not 100% sure they are clean, but they are _clean enough_. He’ll do laundry later. When he goes out to the front room, the other Losers are in the kitchen.

“Hey, Richie,” Ben says softly.

Clenching his fists tightly, Richie ignores him and goes for the coffee pot. The kitchen is quiet, which is not something that would have ever happened before.

After he gets his coffee, Richie goes to the living room and curls back up in the arm chair. The others start talking again, but periodically glance at him. Richie ignores them. Eventually Stan comes into the living room and refills Richie’s coffee cup.

“Want something to eat?” Stan asks.

“I’m fine,” Richie says. Stan runs his fingers through Richie’s hair before he goes back to the kitchen.

At some point, the others order pizza and Stan makes it a point to give Richie a slice. He eats a few bites before he sets it on the coffee table and curls up into a ball.

He falls asleep and wakes up screaming and crying.

Someone is pulling him close to try and comfort him, but as soon as Richie realizes it’s Bill, he pulls away and jumps to his feet.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you _fucking_ touch me, you _fucking asshole_!” Richie shrieks as he stumbles and bumps into the couch in his effort to get away from Bill. The others stare at him in open mouth horror.

“Richie, please,” Bev tries. Richie just shakes his head, no.

“Just leave me alone! I- I _hate_ you people!”

“Richie, you don’t mean that,” Ben says softly.

“Fuck you! You- You don’t get to tell me how I feel!” Richie yells. “You got- You get- You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to tell someone what they mean to you.”

“What are you talking about, Richie?” Bill asks.

Taking a shaky breath, Richie says, “Nothing. I’m talking about nothing.

“Richie,” Mike whispers. “Just talk to us.”

Biting his lip, Richie shakes his head. “I loved him, and I never got a chance to tell him, to _really_ tell him how much he meant to me. And you- You made me leave him there, alone, in the dark while you two get to-” Looking at Bev and Ben, he takes a deep breath. Part of him knows he’s not being fair, but he doesn’t care. Nothing is fair.

“Richie-” Bill starts, but Richie’s had enough. He holds up his hand.

“Just leave me alone.” He goes back to the guest room and flops on the bed, sobbing.

Stan comes in a minute later. He stands next to the bed and Richie sits up, wraps his arms around Stan’s waist, and _clings_ to him.

“It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair,” Richie says over and over as Stan strokes his hair.

“I know, Rich, I know,” Stan says. He just holds him until Richie’s sobs slow and eventually stop.

They stay like that for a bit longer, and then Stan eases out of Richie’s arms and sits next to him on the bed. Once seated, he kisses Richie’s forehead, and then rests his head on Richie’s shoulder as Richie holds tightly to his hands.

“Richie,” Stan says after a while.

“Hmm?”

“They didn’t want to leave-”

Richie shakes his head, no. “You weren’t there-”

“You’re right. I wasn’t,” Stan says firmly. “And I am _so_ fucking sorry for that.”

“You were scared.”

“And so were you, but you still went,” Stan points out.

“There is _nothing_ for you to be sorry about,” Richie says evenly. Stan takes a deep breath and nuzzles into Richie’s shoulder a little.

“They promised to give you your space.”

Richie wants to ask how long they are staying, but he’s afraid Stan will ask the same of him, and the thought of leaving Stan is too much for him.

Instead he says nothing.

After a few minutes, Stan squeezes Richie’s hand. “Are you ready to go back out there?”

Richie shakes his head, no. “I don’t want to see them right now.”

“Please, Richie. They promised to behave.”

“I don’t know that I can trust them,” Richie says. “They keep- They keep pushing, and it’s too much.”

Taking a deep breath, Stan says, “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I’ll be ok. Really. Maybe tomorrow I’ll come out, but not tonight.”

“Promise to come get me if you need anything?”

“Promise.”

“I’ll check on you in a bit,” Stan says.

“Ok.”

After squeezing his hand, Stan gets up and leaves. As soon as he’s gone, Richie flops onto his side and closes his eyes. He doesn’t sleep, but he just kind of drifts.

It feels like no time has passed when Stan comes back in. He lays down on the bed next to Richie and just very gently rubs his back.

“Are they gone?” Richie asks.

“Bill and Mike left to get food.”

“Mmm,” Richie says. He rolls over to face Stan.

“No pressure, but do you want to join us?”

“Not really,” Richie says.

“That’s fair. I’ll bring you in a plate.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not that hungry.”

“You should eat.”

Richie shrugs a little. He snuggles into Stan’s chest and closes his eyes. He whines when Stan gets up a bit later.

“No, not yet,” Richie murmurs, pulling him closer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out?” Stan asks.

Sighing, Richie says, “No, I’ll be fine.” He rolls away and Stan gets up.

“I’ll bring you some food in a minute.”

“Ok.”

After Stan leaves, Richie sits up and rubs his face. He leaves the room to use the bathroom, not even daring to look down the hall. When he gets back, Stan is waiting with a plate of food and a glass of water.

“Thanks.” Richie takes the plate and sits down.

“You’re welcome,” Stan says. He leaves Richie again. Richie looks down at the plate of pasta and garlic bread. He puts his drink on the bedside table and curls his legs under himself. He manages about half the plate and all the bread before giving up. He takes a deep breath and opens the door. He can hear the others talking quietly as they eat. He can’t quite make himself go down the hall though, so he just sets the plate by the door and goes back to his room.

He picks up his phone and sees Russell has texted him back.

_Russell 6:47 pm: Hey, I got it all taken care of. Is there anything else you need? Sorry about before._   
_Richie 7:24 pm: Thanks. I’m good. I’ll let you know._   
_Russell 7:26 pm: And you’ll let me know when you’re ready to come back?_   
_Richie 7:27 pm: Yeah, sure._

Richie opens up Netflix on his phone and puts something stupid on. He falls asleep a bit later, and wakes up to Stan crawling in bed with him. Richie tries to roll over, but Stan just spoons him.

“Go back to sleep, Richie.”

“You ok, Stanny?”

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” Stan shoves his face in between Richie’s shoulder blades and sighs. Richie wraps his arms around Stan’s, laces their fingers together.

“G’night.”

“Night, Richie.”

Richie falls back to sleep and wakes up screaming and crying. Stan is still there, holding him close.

“You’re ok, it’s ok. You’re safe now,” Stan says. Richie lets out a sob. He rolls over and shoves his face into Stan’s chest. “It’s ok.” Stan rubs his back and kisses his hair until he calms down.

“Fuck,” Richie eventually mutters into Stan’s neck.

“It’s ok,” Stan assures him. Richie lets out a small huff.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Shrugging awkwardly, Richie says, “I just keep seeing Eddie die.”

Sighing, Stan shoves his forehead into Richie’s. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“This helps. Being here. Holding me.” He shoves his head into Stan’s chest and listens to his heartbeat until he falls back to sleep.

When he wakes up the next morning, Stan is snoring softly next to him. Richie studies him for a moment, and then gets up to use the bathroom. When he comes out, he sees Patty in the front room reading, so he wanders out to her. She looks up and smiles at him as he sits down on the arm chair.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey.” Pause. “You sleep ok?”

Patty shrugs. “Not great.” She pauses. “When Stan woke up in the hospital, and told me everything, I was so scared he was delusional, but then you showed up.”

Richie lets out a breath. “It was so weird to go from not remembering anyone, and having it all come back. Growing up I was an annoying little shit, and Stan put up with me. He was my best friend. When Bev called, and you told her Stan was dead, I felt this _profound grief_ and I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse, because I thought we were all going to die.” His eyes fill with tears. “And then it was _just_ Eddie. I still can’t believe he’s gone.” He sniffles. “But then Bev told me Stan was alive, and there was no question about where I needed to be.” They fall silent.

“I’m glad you were able to come. I think Stan needs you as much as you need him.”

Richie clears his throat. “Thanks, Patty. Thanks for everything.” He doesn’t know how to express his complete gratitude, so he gets up and stretches. “I’m not the best cook, but I make decent eggs and toast.”

“That sounds good. Let me know if you need help finding anything.”

Richie nods and goes to the kitchen. He’s halfway through cooking when Stan comes out. He goes to Patty and leans over the couch, kissing her good morning.

“Hey, babylove,” Stan murmurs.

“Hey, ducky. Sleep ok?”

Richie tries to not listen, but he can hear everything.

“Yeah, I slept ok. You?” Stan asks.

“I missed you.” They kiss again.

Licking his lips, Richie plates the eggs.

“Breakfast is ready,” Richie calls. Stan looks over at him.

“Breakfast?” Stan comes over and pulls Richie into a tight full body hug. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

Stan shakes his head and pulls back. “You being here is enough.” Stan smiles a little and sighs.

They have a nice quiet breakfast.

“Hey, is it ok if I do some laundry later,” Richie asks when they are done.

“Of course,” Patty says. “I’ll show you where the laundry room is in a bit.”

Once the kitchen is clean, Richie goes back to the guest room and opens his suitcase. He begins sorting through his clothes when he finds a plastic bag he doesn’t recognize. Confused, he sits and opens the bag. He is shocked to find the clothes he’d been wearing in the sewers. They are clean but stained with Eddie’s blood.

Richie’s eyes fill with tears as he pulls the shirt to his face.

He fucking hates this, doesn’t understand why his friends have done this, why they think he would want these clothes. Letting out a sob, Richie curls up on the bed and cries.

A moment later, Stan comes in and curls up behind Richie, pulling him close.

“I’ve got you, Richie. I’m here,” Stan whispers. Richie rolls over and shoves his face into Stan’s chest. Stan holds him close, kisses his hair. “I’m here, I’m here.”

Guilt washes over Richie. He is so incredibly thankful that Stan is still alive, but he misses Eddie and wishes Eddie was holding him. Not that he would trade Stan for Eddie, he just wishes they were both alive. He knows he should be thankful for what he has, but he can’t stop thinking about how they’d left Eddie alone. He cries for a long time, and Stan just holds him close, whispering soft words of comfort.

When he finally calms down, he feels empty but heavy. He doesn’t want to get up, doesn’t want to let Stan go, so he just lays there, eyes closed, and lets himself float.

When Stan tries to get up a bit later, Richie _clings_ to him.

“It’s ok, Richie. I’ll be right back.”

“Please. Not yet.”

“Ok, love, ok.” He settles back next to Richie, and resumes rubbing his back.

After a few minutes, Richie squeezes Stan, lets him go, and rolls onto his back.

“Are you going to be ok?” Stan asks, his hands lingering on Richie’s stomach and shoulder.

Richie grunts. He sits up and fixes his glasses as he looks down at the shirt still clutched tightly in his hand.

“What’s-” Stan starts when he sees the shirt. He pales. “Is this-” Richie nods miserably. “What the fuck.” Stan sits up and hesitates. “Did you pack that?” Richie shakes his head, no. “What do you want to do with it?” Richie shrugs.

Deflated, he looks at Stan. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t we put this away for now?” Stan points at the shirt. “You can deal with it later.

Nodding, Richie puts the shirt back in the bag and hands it to Stan.

“I’ll just put this in the closet for now, ok?” He gets up, and Richie just keeps nodding. Stan puts the shirt up and comes back and kisses Richie’s forehead. “I have to go to the bathroom, but I’ll be right back.”

Richie shakes his head. “I’ll come out in a minute.”

“Ok.” Stan strokes his hair before leaving.

After a few minutes, Richie takes a deep breath and rubs his face. He collects the remaining clothes and walks out to the front room to find Patty talking to the Losers.

“Richie, how are you?” Bill asks softly, and Richie ignores him.

“Hey, Patty. Where is the laundry room?” Richie asks.

“This way,” she says. She leads him to a back room. “Soap. Fabric softener. Dryer sheets.” Patty points to each item in turn. “Have any questions about the machines?”

“Patty. I’m a forty year old confirmed bachelor. I know how to work a washer and dryer.”

She smiles at him. “Holler if you need any help.” She leaves him. He drops the clothes by the washer and methodically goes through the pockets of his pants and shirts before dumping them in. After adding soap, he starts the machine and goes back out to the front room.

Everyone is sitting in the living room. Stan and Patty are sitting on the couch, the others spread out around the room. Ben and Bev are sitting in the armchair Richie usually sits in, but the spot next to Stan is open, so Richie sits down and Stan takes his hand without pausing what he’s saying.

The others look at each other. Bev starts to say something, but Patty abruptly gets up.

“Who wants some coffee?” Patty asks. They all begin talking and Richie rests his head on Stan’s shoulder.

When Patty comes back with the coffee, Stan puts a movie on and shushes anyone who tries to talk. Richie squeezes his hand each time.

The day goes by slowly. Any time one of the Losers tries to talk to Richie, Stan or Patty jump in and change the subject. They ask what they should watch next, what to have for lunch, if anyone wants a drink.

By dinner time, the Losers stop trying. They don’t ignore him, but they don’t try to make conversation. Richie is relieved. It’s kind of nice to not spend the whole day lying in bed crying about what could have been.

That night, Richie crawls into bed alone. He tries to not think about Eddie, and he tries to not think about Stan curled up in Patty’s arms. Richie likes Patty. She’s incredibly sweet and understanding, but even Richie can’t expect her to give up the husband she almost lost every night.

When Richie wakes up screaming, he’s alone. He tries to muffle his sobs, not wanting to disturb the others, but Stan comes in quickly. He crawls in bed with Richie and holds him until he calms down and goes back to sleep.

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s alone again.

The next few days go like this. Richie follows quietly behind Stan and Patty while the others try to talk to Richie who ignores them. Stan switches between Richie’s and Patty’s beds every night. Richie knows it’s weird, but considering everything they've been through, Richie doesn’t question it out loud.

The Losers leave one by one, Bill being the last one to go.

The night before he leaves, he tries one more time to talk to Richie by cornering him in the guest room while Stan is in the shower and Patty is at the grocery store.

“Richie,” Bill says softly from the doorway. Richie glances past him, but Bill’s blocking him from leaving. “Richie, I really think we should talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Richie says as he puts his clean clothes away.

“Richie.”

When Richie’s done, he walks to the door, but Bill doesn’t move. Richie frowns.

“I don’t want to talk, Bill. I thought I made that perfectly clear earlier this week.”

“I don’t _care_ what you want.”

“Oh you made _that_ perfectly clear in Derry,” Richie says and tries to push past Bill, but the other man doesn’t move.

“That’s not fair, Richie. What was I supposed to do?” Bill snaps. “Eddie was gone. I wasn’t about to leave you there. That would have been-” He takes a deep breath. “That would have been too much.”

Richie crosses his arms over his chest.

“Richie, what do I have to do? I am _so_ sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Something inside of Richie snaps, and he starts screaming. “You didn’t mean for this to happen? You didn’t mean for this to happen so it’s not your fault? If it’s not your fault, whose is it? If it weren’t for you, none of us would have known _shit_ about Pennywise! If it weren’t for you and your _stupid fucking promise_ , Mike wouldn’t have stayed. He wouldn’t have called! No one would have remembered, and Stan wouldn’t have- And Eddie would- Eddie-”

“Richie, that’s unfair!”

“Unfair? Don’t talk to me about _unfair_!” Richie growls.

“Fucking _hell_ , Richie! I understand that you were cheated from something that could have been wonderful, but you’re not the only one who is suffering. You aren’t the only one with unprocessed trauma! You’re so quick to be angry at Bev, but you have no idea what she’s been through! Her husband-” He shakes his head. “And Ben never felt like anyone cared about them or loved them. That’s why they have always been so nice and helpful. They haven’t really let anyone else in since us. You called them ‘hot’ but they only look like that because they think it will make people like them. So, Ben and Bev, finding each other is big, and they deserve it. And you wanna be mad at Mike? Mike who stayed in _fucking_ Derry. He remembered us while we lived our lives. He stayed there even though it was a racist, ugly place.” He pauses. “Stan’s whole fucking world fell apart with that phone call. It almost destroyed him. And Eddie-”

“Don’t,” Richie chokes out. He closes his eyes as if this will somehow make Bill go away.

“I called Eddie’s wife to tell her. She screamed at me for three hours. She sounded _exactly_ like Sonia. And you know what? I’m pretty sure Eddie loved you, too. _Let’s take off our shirts and kiss?_ His life was also totally fucked _before_ the phone call.”

“And you don’t think any of that was your fault? If it weren’t for you, we would-” Richie starts.

“Don’t you think I _fucking know_ it’s my fault? Because of course it’s my fault! And I’m sorry! But I just couldn’t let it go. I wanted so badly to save Georgie, and then when I couldn’t, I didn’t want what happened to Georgie to happen to another kid, and I’m sorry I dragged you down there, but God dammit, Richie, you shutting us out isn’t going to fix anything. We miss you. We’re hurting, too.”

Richie shakes his head, sobbing. He wants to throw up. He wants Bill to leave him the fuck alone, because he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand. How could he? He had dragged Richie out and left Eddie there. He sits on the bed and covers his face with his hands.

“Bill, What are you doing?” Stan asks coldly. Richie opens his eyes and looks at Stan. He’s wearing a robe and glaring at Bill. “We talked about this. You promised to leave him alone.”

Bill shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I just- I just miss my best friends.” He looks between Stan and Richie. “I’m gonna go. I’ll- I’ll be back tomorrow before breakfast.” Stan hugs him before he leaves.

As soon as he’s gone, Stan looks down at Richie while he wipes his face with his shirt.

“Are you ok?” Stan asks as he sits next to Richie.

Richie shakes his head, no.

“I hate this,” Richie says. He rests his head on Stan’s shoulder. Stan takes his hand and squeezes it. He kisses Richie’s hair.

“I know.”

Somehow, Richie hasn’t considered that _maybe_ the rest of them missed Eddie, and his loss was affecting the rest of them just as much. That they hadn’t _wanted_ to leave Eddie, they just wanted to protect Richie. That even though they didn’t love Eddie like he did, they still felt like they were missing a limb as well.

Patty comes in a few minutes later.

“Did Bill leave?” She asks. “I thought he was staying for dinner.”

“He had to go,” Stan says as Richie sighes, closing his eyes.

“Oh, well dinner is ready when you are,” she says.

“We’ll be right there,” Stan says.

Nodding, Patty leaves.

“I’m not hungry,” Richie mumbles.

“Will you come sit with us anyway?” Stan asks.

Taking a deep breath, Richie nods. “Ok. I have to use the bathroom first.”

“Ok.” Stan squeezes his hand and kisses his hair. “Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you, Stan.”

“You’re welcome, Richie. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Stanny.” Stan gets up and leaves the room. 

***

As soon as Stan is gone, Richie takes a deep breath and rubs his face with his hands. His beard is getting a little out of control, and he knows he should shave soon, but also, he has zero plans to leave the apartment any timein the near future, so who fucking cares?

After a minute, Richie gets up and uses the toilet before going out to Stan and Patty who are eating at the kitchen table. They’ve set a plate for Richie, but it’s empty.

“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I thought maybe you might get hungry when you saw the food,” Stan says as Richie sits.

Nodding, Richie looks at the table. There’s a rotisserie chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes. Richie helps himself to some potatoes and sits back.

He tries to follow Stan and Patty’s quiet conversation, but all he can hear is Bill.

_Don’t you think I fucking know it’s my fault?_

It’s weird. They had all seemed ready to move on, but what had Bill said? About Bev? And Richie thinks about Ben. About them being constantly helpful, desperately wanting people to like them. Ben was so sweet, and deserved good things.

But Bev and Ben didn’t have to rub it in his face like that.

“Richie?” Patty says his name softly, bringing him back to the moment.

Jumping, Richie asks, “Huh? What?”

“I asked if you were done.”

Richie looks at his plate. His potatoes are gone and he’s softly scraping his fork across the plate. Blushing, Richie puts his fork down.

“Yeah, thanks,” Richie says. He hands her his plate.

“Do you want dessert? I got some apple pie.”

Shaking his head, Richie says, “No thanks. I think I’m gonna go to bed early.”

“Ok, Richie. Get some rest,” Patty says.

“Thanks, Patty.” Richie gets up. “Night.” He goes to his room and closes the door. After he changes into his pajamas, he lays down and pulls up something to watch on his phone.

A few minutes later, there is a soft knock on the door.

“Richie? Can I come in?” Stan asks.

“Yeah.” Richie turns off his phone as Stan comes in. He closes the door behind him and comes over to the bed. Richie scoots over, and Stan sits down.

“You ok?” Richie asks when Stan doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to figure out how to say something without upsetting you.”

Richie frowns. “Oh?”

“It’s about the Losers.”

“Oh.” Richie huffs and stares up at the ceiling.

“I know you’re mad at them, and that’s ok. You guys went through things I didn’t, and your feelings are valid.”

“Don’t fucking patronize me,” Richie growls.

“Richie, I’m on your side.”

“I feel a ‘but’ coming.”

Stan groans. “They still love you. They miss Eddie, too, and you blocking them out-”

“I don’t care.”

“Ok, but Richie, their feelings are valid, too.”

“Your face is valid,” Richie growls, arms crossed over his chest.

“It is, thank you,” Stan says, and Richie rolls his eyes and lets out a small huff to keep from smiling. “They understand- _We_ understand that you need some space, but…” Stan licks his lips. “Before you _really_ decide to kick them out of your life forever, I want you to _really_ think about what you’re doing. They need you. And you need them.”

Neither of them say anything for a long time.

“I- I don’t know,” Richie finally says.

“I’m not saying you have to make any decisions tonight. I understand that this is going to take time, but just like they need you, like I need you, they need me and I need them.”

Richie looks at Stan.

“I’m not going to stop talking to them.”

“I understand,” Richie says even though he doesn’t. All he can see is Mike and Bill pulling him away from Eddie, and his anger flares up again.

Stan strokes Richie’s hair. “I’m sorry if this hurts you.”

Swallowing, Richie shrugs. “It’s fine.” He pauses. “I understand you want them, and you deserve to get everything you want in life.”

After studying him for a moment, Stan leans over and kisses his hair.

“Is it ok if I just sit with you for a little while?” Stan asks.

“I’d like that,” Richie says. “Is it ok if I watch my show?”

“That’s fine.”

Richie picks up his phone and puts his show back on as Stan sits there and just gently strokes his hair until Richie falls asleep.


	3. I Forget How the Sun Feels When She Isn’t Around Me

Over the next several weeks, the three of them fall into a routine. They trade off cooking, watch TV, take naps, and go on walks. Stan starts going to therapy a couple times a week, doctors orders. Patty and Richie go grocery shopping when Stan’s in therapy, neither of them wanting to be alone without Stan. It’s nice. No one talks about Richie leaving, and at the first of the month, Richie gives Patty a couple hundred dollars. She tries to insist that they don’t need it, that they’re fine, but Richie insists. In the end she accepts it.

Eventually though, Patty has to go back to work.

They all know it has to happen sometime, that she can’t be out forever, but it still sucks when her work calls and tells her that her leave is up.

She goes back on a monday. Richie usually sleeps in later than the other two, but that morning he makes sure to get up when they do. He wants to make sure Stan knows it’s going to be ok, that he isn’t going to be left alone. He wants to make sure Patty knows that Stan’s going to be fine, that someone will be there to take care of him.

Patty and Stan sit on the couch drinking coffee while Richie makes them pancakes and chicken sausage. They eat quietly, none of them really saying much. Richie is tired, not used to being up early, and that means he misses just how weird Stan is acting.

To be fair, even if he had been more awake, he would probably still have missed it. Stan is quiet, but that’s to be expected. It’s the first day that he’s going to go more than a few hours without being able to talk to and touch Patty.

Stan packs Patty a lunch of leftovers from the night before, and Richie pretends not to see him slide a note in. Richie can’t explain why watching Patty and Stan doesn’t fill him with the same rage and jealousy as watching Ben and Bev, but it doesn’t. He loves watching how soft they are with each other, and this is just another moment of them being soft.

After Patty leaves, Richie lays on the couch with one foot under Stan’s ass, the other behind his back while Stan works on a puzzle. Stan has lots of puzzles, and can spend hours on them. Richie is lost in thought. It’s been just over a month since Derry, and Richie’s thinking about it. Well, actually, he’s thinking specifically about Mike. Out of the four of them, Mike had had it the worst so far as Richie was concerned. Mike had to stay in fucking Derry, while everyone else was able to have a life. Richie’s anger towards him is slowly ebbing. Yes, he made the phone calls, but really, it was Bill’s fault. Bill and his stupid promise.

The morning is quite uneventful. While Stan finishes his puzzle, Richie makes them some sandwiches for lunch. After they eat, they take a walk around the park.

When they get back to the house, Stan yawns loudly.

“I’m tired, kind of want a nap,” Stan murmurs.

“Mmm, nap sounds good,” Richie agrees. He takes off his shoes and sticks them in the cubby by the door while Stan hangs up a cardigan. Richie starts to go to the couch, but Stan grabs his hand at the last minute.

“Wanna nap in my bed,” Stan says. Richie nods a little. He hasn’t spent a lot of time in Stan and Patty’s room, unsurprisingly enough, but he’s been in it enough to know that their bed is huge and oh so fucking comfortable.

The two men crawl into bed, and Richie slots himself behind Stan, kissing his shoulder. It doesn’t take long for Richie to fall asleep.

He wakes up a few hours later to a strange sound. Richie _knows_ there are two bathrooms in the house: the guest bathroom and the master bathroom. Only, Stan and Patty _never_ used the master bathroom. Richie doesn’t have to ask why because the other bathroom didn’t have a bathtub, and Richie knew Stan had attempted in the bath.

Which is why the noise of a tub filling is _not_ something Richie is prepared for. Grabbing his glasses, he jumps out of the bed, and goes to the bathroom door, bursting in before he can think too hard about what _might_ be on the other side.

Stan is laying in the tub full dressed. He’s leaning back, and crying softly. Richie doesn’t even think about it, just goes to Stan. He drops to his knees next to the tub, banging one _hard_ on the edge of the small step, but he doesn’t care. He climbs in next to Stan.

“Oh my God, Stan, what-” He says as he turns off the water and unplugs the drain. The water gurgles as it leaves the tub.

“Richie, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Stan says as Richie pulls him close. Water sloshes everywhere but Richie just ignores it. They cling to each other, and Richie shoves his forehead into Stan’s.

“Stan, Stan, what- What’s going on? Why- What are you-”

“It’s just all so much, all too much. I wish- It should have been- If one of us had to live, it should have been him, not me,” Stan sobs.

Richie squeezes Stan tighter. “Stan, no one wants that. No one-”

“I should have been there. Maybe if I’d been there-”

“I keep telling you, Stan. There’s nothing you could have done. It all happened so fast.”

“But maybe-”

“No one blames you for not being there. No one.”

“Richie, it’s so much. I- I’m scared. I- I feel like I let everyone down, that I’m _going_ to let everyone down.”

“Shh, shh.” Richie begins to rock him a little, stroking his soaking wet hair.

“It should have been me.”

“No, Stan,” Richie says, throat tight. “It shouldn’t have been you. It shouldn’t have been any one. None of this should have happened. But you not being there, no one blames you. You-”

There’s a sudden noise and Richie looks up to see Patty. She’s pale, her mouth open, a sob stuck in her throat. She looks at Richie, eyes wide and full of fear.

“He’s not injured, Patty,” Richie says. He wishes there were two of him so he could go to her, but he can’t. He just watches as she slides to the floor and curls up into a ball.

“I taint _everything_ I touch,” Stan says, his voice breaking.

“Shh, shh,” Richie says, eyes still on Patty where she sits and sobs quietly. “You don’t. You don’t taint anything. You’re the best.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Richie insists. “You’re the best and people need you.”

“N- No. No one needs me.”

“Yes they do. The Losers need you. Patty needs you. I need you. Lots of people need you.”

They stay like this until Stan’s sobs finally quiet to soft hiccups. By that time, Patty has gotten herself in control, more or less, and she helps Stan and Richie out of the tub. Stan almost starts sobbing again when he sees his wife, but she just pulls him close, shushing him.

“It’s ok, baby duck, it’s ok,” Patty whispers. “I’m here. We’re here.” Richie squeezes her shoulder. They go back to the bedroom, and Richie closes the bathroom door behind him. “Come on, ducky. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” She sits him on the ottoman at the foot of the bed while Richie grabs him some clean pajamas.

“Do you need anything else?” Richie asks as she takes the clothes from him.

“Don’t go,” Stan says and grips Richie’s wrist.

“Ok, ok,” Richie says. There is an awkward moment as Patty struggles to help Stan out of his wet clothes and into the dry ones. Richie glances at the bed, but Patty shakes her head once, no. Clearly she wants to put as much space between Stan and the master bathroom as possible, and he doesn’t blame her. They coax Stan into the front room, and Patty wraps a blanket around him.

“I’m gonna go change, and I’ll be right back, ok?” Richie asks Stan who is still clutching his wrist. Letting out a shuddery breath, Stan slowly releases his grip. “Be right back.”

Richie rushes off, doesn’t even bother closing the door knowing Patty is too wrapped up in Stan to accidentally see anything. He strips and leaves his clothes in a pile as he tugs on some clean ones, not even bothering to check if anything is on right. When the important parts are covered, Richie goes back out to the front room, and hesitates, but when Patty sees him, she holds out a hand, telling him to join them.

Licking his lips, Richie sits down at the end of the couch, unsure of what to do. Stan leans forward and tugs him closer. Richie scoots over until he is right next to Stan who twists around until he’s leaning into Patty, her arms around him, and Stan’s legs are tented over Richie’s lap, so he’s half sitting in Richie’s lap. Richie rests his hands on Stan’s knees while Stan just lays there, eyes closed.

Richie and Patty look at each other, and he sees his own fear echoed in her face.

They don’t say anything until Stan begins to softly snore in Patty’s arms.

“Patty, I’m so sorry,” Richie whispers.

Patty shakes her head, no. “It’s not your fault. We just weren’t ready.”

“Are you ok?”

“Not really.” She kisses her husbands still damp curls. “I’m just glad you were here.”

“Patty, I don’t think this was a- I don’t think-” Richie tries.

“I don’t either, but I’m still glad you were here.” She licks her lips. “How long are you going to stay?”

Sighing, Richie shrugs. “No idea. I cancelled my tour; there’s really nothing for me in LA except my house, but it’s paid for, so I can stay as long as you want me.”

“Thank you, Richie,” she says. They fall silent again.

Eventually Richie grabs the remote and turns the TV on. They just sit like that and watch soft things until Stan wakes up and they have dinner.

When it comes time to go to bed, Richie starts to go to his room, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. He doesn’t want to leave Stan, but he also knows he can’t ask Patty to sleep alone, so he heads to his room. As he puts his hand on the doorknob, Patty touches his shoulder.

“I- I hope this isn’t weird, but Stan and I were wondering if you’d sleep in our bed tonight,” she says softly. Richie studies her face for a moment.

“Is that- Are you ok with that?” He asks.

Patty nods. “Please, Richie.”

“Yeah, of course.” He follows her back to her room and she climbs in bed on the left. Stan is in the middle, curled up on his side facing the door. Richie goes to the bed and slides under the covers next to Stan. He takes off his glasses and puts them on the bedside table, and Stan takes his hands as Patty curls around Stan’s back. Richie scoots a little closer and settles in.

It takes him a while to fall asleep, and when he does sleep, he has terrible dreams. Instead of Eddie floating above him, he sees Stan. There’s nothing he can do, no way to save him. He dreams that all of the Losers die, their bodies all around him in the sewers. He dreams that somehow Patty is there too, reaching out for Stan.

He wakes up gasping for breath, but somehow Stan and Patty are still asleep. Richie gets up and goes out to the kitchen to get some water.

He misses his friends.

He goes back to Stan and Patty’s room, crawls back in beside Stan, and goes back to sleep.

***

Patty doesn’t go to work for the next two weeks, and Stan has a few extra therapy sessions. His therapist tells them they need to work on spending more time apart. It’s hard. Richie stays with Stan while Patty goes out for small amounts of time. At first just to run to get a few groceries, then out to lunch with one of her friends.

Richie helps distract Stan with stupid memes and helping him do puzzles. It’s hard to watch his friend be in so much pain. Richie feels so helpless. He wishes there was something he could do to make Stan feel better. Stan tells him that Richie just _being_ there is enough, that his presence makes Stan calmer. This both comforts and scares Richie. He knows eventually he’s going to have to go back to work. He’s got a lot in savings, and he has a few investments, but he’s going to need to do something eventually.

The thought of leaving Stan on his own makes Richie’s chest freeze up.

It’s going to take time.

***

When the day comes for Patty to go back to work again, they have a better plan. In the morning, Stan and Richie are going to work on a puzzle and go for a walk. They will make lunch for Patty and take it to her. After lunch, they’ll shop for dinner and make something from scratch. Patty plans on texting during all of her breaks.

And the morning goes great. Stan is a little jittery, but he’s ok. They make sandwiches and pack chips and some fruit for Patty’s lunch. Stan drives them to the high school.

They go to the main office where there are a few students waiting outside of the principal’s office. While they are checking in, a student in the office looks up at Richie, studying him for a moment, and then their face changes, the kid’s mouth hanging open in shock. Richie turns and tries to get Stan’s attention, but he’s talking to the secretary, totally distracted.

Richie hears the kid hit his friend, and they begin to whisper. He hears the word, “Trashmouth,” and stiffens.

“Stan,” Richie whispers, but Stan doesn’t hear him.

“You ask him,” one of the kids says.

“No you,” the other one says.

“Hey, Stan,” Richie whispers again.

Stan turns to him as one of the kids says, “Hey are you Trashmouth?”

Turning around, Richie smiles. “Yeah, I’m Richie Tozier.”

“Dude, we fuh-dging love your shows!” The other says as he catches the secretary’s eye.

“Thank you,” Richie says awkwardly. These kids couldn’t be more than sixteen. They had no business watching his stuff.

“Dude, do you think-”

“Josh,” the secretary says. The kid sits up a little straighter, his smile faltering. “Mr. Tozier is a guest, and not here to be bugged by you and your little friends.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Josh says.

Richie feels a little bad, but the feeling passes when Patty comes in. She pulls Stan into a tight hug, and waves at Richie.

“You two ready to eat?” She asks.

Richie holds up the bag, and they laugh a little as they leave. Richie keeps glancing over his shoulder at the kids. He feels a little bad, but also nervous. He knows word travels fast.

By the time they get to Patty’s classroom, there are several students following them in a huddle. Richie ignores them and just tries to focus on whatever Patty and Stan are talking about. Once in, Patty locks the door, and the three of them go to the back of the classroom.

They push some desks together, and Stan opens up the bag they’ve brought. Patty tells them about her classes so far, about how excited her students were that she was back, and Stan tells her about all the ducks they saw at the park, and the little dog he got to pet. When the warning bell rings, Stan jumps and frowns a little.

“Just a few more hours,” Patty whispers. She kisses his cheek. She walks them back to the main office where they check out.

“Love you,” Stan says to her before she leaves them.

“Love you, too.” She waves and walks away.

Stan takes Richie’s hand when they get in the car.

“You ok, Stan?” Richie asks.

Shrugging, Stan says, “I’ll be fine.”

Richie rubs his knuckles with his thumb. “Do you want to go to the store before we go home?”

“Sure.”

Biting his lip, Richie takes off down the road, holding tightly to Stan’s hand. When they get to the store, Stan keeps holding Richie’s hand. They get stuff for spaghetti, and Stan even picks out some flowers for Patty. Richie smiles a little. He loves how soft his best friend is. Buying flowers for his wife while holding hands with a man.

When they get home, they watch a movie, and then Stan takes over the cooking. Richie just sits and talks to him, shows him memes and tells him he’s not adding enough garlic to the sauce.

Dinner is ready when Patty walks in. She barely has her shoes off before Stan is pulling her into a hug, kissing her oh so gently on the cheek. They whisper back and forth, and Richie can’t hear them. He sets the table. When Patty sees the flowers, she throws herself in Stan’s arms, kissing him again, and Richie averts his eyes.

They sit and have a nice quiet dinner. The spaghetti is so good. When they’re done, Richie helps Patty with the dishes, and then Stan and Patty go to bed early. Richie tells them goodnight, even though it’s not even eight, and sits on the couch.

He puts on something stupid, but his mind keeps wandering.

He can’t stop thinking about the Losers.

After a bit, he picks up his phone and opens his contacts. He scrolls to Mike’s name, hesitates, and hits call.

Mike picks up on the third ring.

“Hey, Richie,” Mike says softly.

“Hey,” Richie says. “I- Is this a bad time?” Suddenly he’s aware that he has no idea where Mike is or what time it is there or anything really.

“No, no. I’m not busy,” Mike says. “Everything ok?”

“I just- I’ve been thinking about you, a lot. And I just. I miss you, man,” Richie says. “How are you doing? Are you ok?”

“I miss you, too, Rich. I’m doing ok. In the middle of a cross country roadtrip.”

“Oh, yeah? How’s that going?”

“It’s good. I’m having a great time. I’ve been to so many states, I’ve lost count.”

“Well, good. I’m glad you finally are getting out of _fucking Derry_.” Richie pauses and stares down at the couch. “Look, I’m sorry, about after-”

“No, no need to apologize, Richie,” Mike says softly. “Death… Grief… They hit us in different ways.”

Nodding, Richie clears his throat.

“What have you been up to?” Mike asks.

Biting his lip, Richie says, “I’m still in Atlanta. Just been hanging out with Stan and Patty.” He pauses. “It’s had its moments, but it’s also been nice. It’s been a minute since I had any real down time, you know?”

“I’m glad you’re taking a break,” Mike says. “What do you all do in Atlanta?”

So Richie tells him about the puzzles, the walks, the cooking. He tells him about how in love Patty and Stan are, how soft they are. He tells him about how nice it is to _not_ be in LA.

And then Mike tells him about all the different places he’s been, and all the places he’s still planning on going.

“I should be coming through Georgia in a few weeks,” Mike says after a while.

“I mean, it’s not my house, but I’m sure Stan and Patty would love to see you. I know I would.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Richie says. “I really hate how I left things. I was just so-”

“Angry?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s ok, man.”

Licking his lips, Richie pushes up his glasses so he can rub his eye with the palm of his hand.

“It’s not, but thanks for being so understanding,” Richie says. He yawns and looks at the time. It’s late. They’ve talked for hours.

“You sound tired,” Mike says.

“Yeah, it was a long day.”

“I’ll let you go. Have a good night, Richie.”

“You too, Mike.” He pauses. “And Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for making this easy.”

“Love you, Richie. Glad you’re talking to me again.”

“Me too. I miss you.”

“Miss you too. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

They hang up and Richie goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.


	4. I Am Moving On And Thank God You’ll Let Me Try

After that, they find a new rhythm, and it’s weird because Richie never thought he would be ok with having so simple a life, but something about Stan and Patty, something about Atlanta makes it ok.

His agent checks in every few weeks, but doesn’t press about Richie coming back. Richie’s not sure what to make of that, but quickly decides he doesn’t care. Late at night he sometimes wonders if it would be crazy to sell his house and move to Atlanta for real. There are all sorts of houses for sale, many of which he could easily afford.

But he keeps these thoughts to himself. Patty and Stan have made no mention of him leaving, so he hasn’t brought it up either. Logically Richie knows it can’t go on forever, but he wishes it would.

His favorite moments are the quiet ones. The ones where he catches Patty murmuring something in Stan’s ear, and Stan laughing gently. The ones where Richie is cooking and Stan comes in to taste whatever he’s making. The ones where Richie walks in the kitchen early in the morning and finds Patty slumped over the kitchen island, sipping on some coffee while Stan makes them all breakfast.

When Mike comes, he stays at the house. There is a brief discussion about whether he’ll sleep on the couch, but in the end Richie insists he stay in the guest room with him.

“It’s a queen, Mike, a queen! Plenty of room,” Richie says as Mike puts his bags in Richie’s room. Mike looks at the bed and shrugs a little.

“You sure you don’t mind?” Mike asks.

“Not at all,” Richie says. Secretly he’s looking forward to having someone in bed with him. Stan has been sleeping with him less and less, and it feels a little lonely. He still comes when Richie wakes up screaming, but he’s almost always gone when Richie wakes up in the morning.

“Alright,” Mike says, and pulls Richie into a tight hug.

Richie squeezes him right back. “It’s good to see you.”

“You, too.” Eventually Mike lets go, and they go join the others.

They eat dinner, and then sit around the table and listen to Mike talk about his trip. He’s having such a good time, and Richie can’t fault him for it at all. If he’d been stuck in _fucking Derry_ all that time alone, he would have gone bonkers.

After dinner, they all work on a puzzle together. It’s so fucking nice, Richie can hardly stand it. Every so often Mike answers a text, and keeps smiling this weird little smile.

“Who yah textin’, Mikey?” Richie asks after the fourth text.

Mike avoids his eye, staring down at the puzzle. “No one.”

“Is it a cute no one?” Stan asks.

“Guys, it’s nothing, don’t- Don’t make this a thing.” Mike laughs.

Richie lets it go, for now.

But the next morning, he wakes up to Mike’s phone going off. Richie rolls over and watches Mike struggle to get up and walk to the front room before answering. He closes the door behind him, and Richie can hear him talking softly to someone. Rubbing his face, Riche puts on his glasses and checks the time.

It’s almost 7:30. Breakfast time. He gives Mike a few minutes before going out into the front room and finds Stan kissing Patty in the hallway, and for the first time, probably ever, Richie feels a little… Not jealous, but. Jealous.

It’s not the same type of jealousy he felt when he first saw Ben and Bev kissing, it’s different.

Before he can really assess his feelings, Patty and Stan break apart. Stan smiles sleepily at him, and wanders over as Patty goes to the kitchen to start breakfast.

“Morning, Rich,” Stan says and wraps his arms around Richie. He’s all soft and warm from sleep, and Richie just hugs him gently. “Sleep ok?”

“Yeah, Stanny, I slept fine.”

“I’m so happy you and Mike are friends again.”

“Me too.”

Yawning hugely, Stan pulls away and wanders over to Mike who has reappeared from wherever he’d disappeared to. Richie goes to the bathroom before Mike and Stan hug. He uses the toilet, splashes some water on his face, and goes back out to the others.

Patty has work, so the morning is pretty normal. They have breakfast and make lunch plans. Today Patty is going to meet them at a nearby park so the students can’t gawk at them. There’s enough rumors flying around the school, no need to add more.

Mike spends the morning with Stan and Richie, all of them just lazing about in their pajamas as they wait for lunch. Richie is sitting on the couch with Stan’s head in his lap, stroking his hair, when he looks up and sees Mike looking at him. Richie blushes but ignores him. He knows what it must look like, but really it’s nothing.

They don’t touch as much when Patty is around, but that doesn’t mean it’s anything more than just two friends seeking comfort during a trying time.

After they eat lunch, Mike takes off to take care of some stuff, what he won’t tell them, but promises to be home in time for dinner. Stan and Richie go home to take a nap and watch TV. When Patty comes home, they start dinner, and Mike comes in just in time to help set the table.

“So, what are you plans for when you’re here, Mike?” Stan asks as they all sit.

Mike shrugs. “Honestly, just hang out, see the sights. It’s been too long since I was just with you guys, you know?”

“Yeah,” Stan says as Richie looks down at his placemat. He can’t help the guilt that washes over him. They should have been able to come together after everything, but Richie had to go and ruin everything.

“You ok, Richie?” Patty asks softly. Richie looks up. Stan and Mike are talking about different things to do in Atlanta, but Patty is just looking at him.

“Just tired,” he lies.

“Too tired for pie?” She asks.

“Pie?” He perks up a little. “What kind of pie?”

“Chocolate.”

Richie pretends to consider this. “No, not too tired for pie.” They laugh.

“I think you and Richie should definitely go out tomorrow, see some of the sights. I kind of feel bad. Richie’s been here for _months_ and he hasn’t gotten to see anything,” Stan says and Richie looks over at them.

“To be fair, I haven’t really wanted to go out. Fans.” He shudders, and they all laugh.

“What do you say, Richie? Wanna go exploring with me?” Mike asks.

Richie looks over at Stan.

“You should go,” Stan says. “Get out a little. It’ll be good for you.”

Suppressing a frown, Richie shrugs a little. “You don’t want to come?”

“I’ve seen it all, Rich. You should go have fun with Mike,” Stan says.

Licking his lips, Richie nods. Logically he knows that Stan isn’t trying to push him away, that he just wants Richie and Mike to have some time together to talk and heal, but he can’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, he’s starting to outstay his welcome.

“Ok, sure,” Richie says a little loudly, but he smiles over at Mike. “Let’s do it.”

Mike smiles at him, and they start talking about the different things they could do. Richie can feel Patty’s eyes on him, but she doesn’t try to check in again.

After dinner, they watch another movie, and go to bed late.

Richie crawls into bed and pretends to fall asleep immediately so he won’t have to talk to Mike any more. He just wants things to go back to how they’d been, soft and easy, not with this weird jealousy that he’s starting to feel.

Licking his lips in the dark, he can’t help but wonder what Stan and Patty do when they go to bed early. He sometimes hears soft music, so he knows they aren’t sleeping. He wonders what they are going to do tomorrow when he and Mike are out and about.

_They’re probably going to fuck._

Richie huffs a little.

He thinks about that morning, about watching Stan kiss Patty, and he wonders what it feels like, to be kissed so gently. He wonders what it feels like for _Stan_ to kiss him so gently.

“Fuck,” he mumbles into his pillow.

_He wonders what it feels like for Stan to kiss him so gently?_

His chest tightens a little. It’s not like he wants anything to happen to Patty. He was telling the truth when he’d told Mike about how much he loved how soft they were with each other.

It takes him a long time to fall asleep, but he does eventually.

He has yet another horrible dream about Derry and wakes up shouting.

“Hey, hey,” Mike says, pulling him close. “Hey, you’re ok.” Richie lets Mike hold him even as tears fill his eyes. He knows Stan isn’t going to come that night. “It was just a dream, Richie. You’re safe now.”

_Safe._

What a word. He has no idea what to do with it, so he just clings to Mike’s shirt and cries softly into his chest. When he calms down, Mike just brushes some tears away.

“Derry?” Mike asks, although it’s clear he already knows. 

Richie just nods miserably.

“What can I do? What do you need?”

_I need Stan,_ Richie thinks to himself, but says, “Can you just rub my back until I fall back to sleep?”

“Of course, Richie. Of course.”

Richie pulls out of Mike’s arms and rolls away. Mike’s hand is big and warm against his back and he rubs in large, firm circles, and it’s not long before Richie falls back to sleep.

When he wakes up the next morning, Mike is still there, his hand on Richie’s back. He clearly had fallen asleep rubbing Richie’s back. Moaning a little, Richie rolls out of bed and gets up to pee. Stan and Patty are still in bed. It’s weird being the first one up, but instead of going back to bed, Richie starts the coffee.

After breakfast, Richie takes a shower and he and Mike leave. It’s weird. Richie rarely left the house without Stan or Patty. But Mike is a good distraction. They decide to go to the aquarium, and Mike is just so God damn excited for the fish, it doesn’t leave Richie much room to think about anything else.

They get lunch at a nearby restaurant, and then take a walk in Richie’s favorite park.

“So,” Richie says as they amble down a path. “How-” He clears his throat. “How are the others? How are Ben and Bev doing?”

Mike studies him for a moment. “They’re good.”

Nodding, Richie says, “I assume they’re living together.”

“Yeah, I’m happy for Bev. She’s safe now.”

Richie looks up at him, confused.

“She didn’t talk about it, but, her husband-”

“Wait, Bev is married?”

“ _Was_. To a guy named Tom. He is a fucking-” Mike looks so angry. The last time Richie’d seen him that angry, they’d been in the sewers. And all of a sudden Richie feels like a real asshole.

“He beat her,” Richie says.

“Yeah. It was really bad.” Mike licks his lips.

“But she’s ok now?”

“She’s ok now.”

Richie runs his fingers through his hair. He’s not breathing, his chest is tight. Nothing feels right.

“You ok, Rich?” Mike asks.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” He brushes his hair back. “How could I have missed it?”

“It’s ok, Richie, there was a lot going on.”

“But it’s not?” Richie says. “It’s not ok. I was such a-” He steps off the path and takes a deep breath. Mike steps closer to him, but doesn’t touch him. “Bev’s ok?”

“Bev’s ok,” Mike assures him.

Richie takes a deep breath.

“You can call her if you don’t believe me,” Mike says.

Licking his lips, Richie looks up at him.

“Yeah?” Richie asks.

“Yeah. If you want. No pressure though.”

Richie takes a few deep breaths.

“What can I do, Richie?”

Shaking his head, Richie says, “Just need a minute. And then a hug. And then Bev’s number.” Smiling, Mike takes a step back and lets him breathe.

He can’t believe what an asshole he’s been. Bev was one of his best friends, he knows what her dad was like, what her life was like. She didn’t deserve him shutting her out. Neither did Ben. God, how the _fuck_ could he shut _Ben_ out? Big, soft Ben who never (purposefully) hurt anyone in their fucking life.

After taking another deep breath, Richie pulls Mike into a tight hug, and Mike squeezes him tightly, rubbing his back a little. When they break apart, Mike pulls out his phone and pushes some buttons. He puts it on speaker phone. Bev answers quickly.

“Hey, Mike! How are you? What are you up to?” Bev asks brightly.

“I’m doing good. What about you?” Mike asks.

“I’m good. Just hanging out with Ben. It’s been a long week.”

“They right there?” Mike asks.

“You know it.” Bev laughs. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Ben says. Mike smiles. They are clearly on speaker phone as well.

“What’s up?” Bev asks.

“There’s someone here who wants to talk to you, if you have time.”

“Yeah? We have time. Who is it? Is it Stan? Why isn’t he-” Bev asks excitedly.

Mike nudges Richie and he clears his throat.

“Sorry to disappoint, Bev, but Stan’s not here right now,” Richie says.

Silence, and then Bev asks, “Richie? Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Richie, I-”

“Still a good time?” Richie asks, trying to joke to lessen the tension, but it falls flat.

“Yeah, of course,” Bev says. “How- How are you?”

“I’m doing better. Not 100%, but better. You?”

“I’m doing ok,” Bev says and clears her throat.

“I’m glad you’re doing ok. I’m glad _you and Ben_ are doing good.”

Bev lets out a little breath. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Richie says. “Look, I’m so sorry, Bev. I was-”

“No, Richie. I’m sorry,” Bev says.

“ _We’re sorry_ ,” Ben interrupts. “We had no idea-”

“I know,” Richie says. “But, I shouldn’t have said- I should have talked to you.”

“We’re really sorry, Richie,” Bev says softly. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been going through.”

Chewing on his lip, Richie just lets out a soft little huff. “Yeah, I can’t imagine what you’re going through either.”

“I’m doing better,” Bev says. She doesn’t question how Richie knows anything.

There is an awkward pause, and then Bev says, “God, Richie, it’s so good to hear from you.”

“We really missed you,” Ben says.

“I missed both of you, too,” Richie says.

“Where are you guys if you’re not with Stan and Patty?” Ben asks.

“At a park,” Richie says.

“A really pretty park with ducks!” Mike adds.

“Oh?” Ben asks.

“Can we Facetime? I want to see Richie’s face,” Bev says.

“You want to see a duck,” Ben teases. They all laugh.

“Hell yeah we can Facetime,” Mike says. They swap the call, and Richie smiles widely at his friends. It’s so fucking good to see their faces.

They talk for another twenty minutes, much of which is just Richie taking the phone and showing his friends his favorite ducks, and the occasional dog.

By the time they hang up, Richie feels better than he has in a long time. Mike slings an arm around Richie’s shoulders as they walk back to the car.

“Thanks, Mike,” Richie says as they get in the car.

“Any time,” Mike says. “I love you, man.”

“Love you, too.”

After that, they go to the store to get some last minute stuff for dinner, and some extra ice cream, because Richie knows they are running low on Stan’s favorite.

When they get back to the house, Stan and Patty are curled up on the couch, both of them asleep. Richie smiles at them. It’s not unusual for Stan to be asleep, but very rarely does Patty succumb to the naps. Richie and Mike put the groceries away quietly before heading back to Richie’s room. They sit on his bed and just sort of fuck around, playing stupid games on their phones and talking until Stan comes looking for them.

“What are you two doing in here?” He asks. “Can I come join the party?”

“Yeah, sure!” Mike says. Richie and Mike cross their legs so Stan can sit at the end of the bed. 

“How was your day?” Stan asks.

“Dude, we saw so many ducks! Trevor is back by the way!” Richie says. He opens his phone to show Stan their favorite duck and Mike snorts with laughter. “What? We love Trevor! We hadn’t seen him-” He looks at Mike. “Oh, Ben and Bev say hi. But look at Trevor!”

“ _Ben and Bev say hi,_ ” Stan repeats slowly. “You talked to Ben and Bev?” He nearly shouts.

“Yeah,” Richie says. “They-” Stan launches himself into Richie, throwing his arms around Richie’s shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug. Richie hugs him back.

“You are such a dork,” Stan says. He settles in between Mike and Richie. “Ok, now show me my son.” They all laugh, and Richie opens up his photo gallery.


	5. Will A New Love Awake Me?

The night Mike leaves, Richie goes to bed early. He curls up on his side and stares at the empty space next to him. He already misses having someone to sleep next to.

Not long after he goes to bed, there is a soft knock on his door, and Stan lets himself in.

“Hey, how are you?” Stan asks.

Richie shrugs.

“Mind if I lay down with you?”

Shaking his head, no, Richie pulls back the covers and Stan slides in next to him. Stan slots himself behind Richie, and shoves his face in between Richie’s shoulder blades.

“You doin’ ok?” Stan asks. “You were really quiet at dinner.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Stan asks.

Richie has no idea how to tell him the thing that is wrong is now that Mike is gone, there will be nothing to distract him from his ever growing crush on Stan. Stan and his stupid puzzles and his stupid obsession with birds and his stupid love of all things pasta and his stupid fucking face, so he just sighs.

Stan squeezes him a little.

“Try and get some sleep, Richie.”

Richie waits for him to get up, but Stan just lays there, and soon Richie can tell he’s gone to sleep. He wonders if he should wake him up, send him back to Patty, but he’s feeling a little selfish, so he just settles back into Stan’s arms and goes to sleep.

Richie wakes up in the middle of the night. He lays there trying to figure out what woke him up. He can’t hear anything, can’t see anything, so he just adjusts his pillow, closes his eyes, and tries to go back to sleep.

But then he hears it. A soft little sniffle right behind his ear.

“Stan?” Richie whispers.

“Yes, Richie?”

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Stan says, but his voice cracks. Richie rolls around to face Stan.

“What’s up, sugar?” Richie asks.

“N- Nothing. I’m fine.”

Richie reaches out in the dark and puts his hand on Stan’s cheek. It’s damp with tears.

“Then why are you crying?” Richie asks.

Stan doesn’t say anything.

“What can I do, Stan?”

Stan tries to say something, but nothing comes out. He clears his throat. “Just ho- hold me?”

“Of course.” Richie pulls Stan closer, wrapping his arms around his friend and Stan just sort of curls in, fingers twisted up into the front of Richie’s shirt. “It’s ok, Stanny.”

Just letting out a little huff, Stan nods. They lay like there for a long time, neither of them saying anything. Eventually Stan drifts back off, but Richie stays awake for a little bit longer. It’s easy to pretend this is something it’s not when Stan’s asleep. Richie leans forward, kisses Stan’s forehead, and takes a soft breath. He falls asleep a bit later.

He wakes up in the morning to Stan trying to slide away.

“Where going?” Richie mumbles,still mostly asleep.

“I have to use the toilet.”

“Mmm,” Richie says. He lets go of Stan and rolls on his back, rubbing his face.

“I’ll be back.”

“No, I’ll get up.”

“Ok.” Stan strokes Richie’s arm and gets up. Once he’s gone, Richie puts on his glasses and yawns hugely. He sits up slowly, and looks around. It’s early, but not too early. He gets up and shuffles out to the front room. Patty is on the couch, reading.

“Morning,” Richie says. “Coffee?”

“Please,” Patty says. Nodding, Richie continues to the kitchen. He’s just finishing with the coffee pot when he hears a giggle. He turns and sees Stan leaning over the back of the couch, kissing Patty. Richie turns back to the counter and busies himself with cups and tries to figure out what to make them all for breakfast. He startles a little when Stan comes up and hugs him from behind.

“Morning,” Stan whispers. He rests his head on Richie’s shoulder. Richie reaches up and squeezes Stan’s hand.

“Good morning,” Richie says. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Mmm, pancakes?”

“I can do pancakes,” Richie says. Stan squeezes him and pulls away. Stan helps himself to some of the coffee and sits on the counter as Patty comes over to them and gets her own coffee.

They spend their morning lazing about in the living room. When Stan falls asleep on his back and drools, Richie snaps a picture and sends it to Bev before flopping on the couch.

A few minutes later he gets a text back.

_Bev 9:57 am: Omg! That is so funny! You should put it in the group chat!_   
_Richie 9:58 am: Group chat?_   
_Bev 9:59 am: Yes. I should have added you ages ago. I don’t know why I didn’t before._   
_Richie 10:01 am: Is Bill in it?_   
_Bev 10:01 am: ..._   
_Bev 10:02 am: Just ignore him. I’m adding you._

Sighing, Richie rolls his eyes as another message pops up.

_Bev 10:03 am: Hey, I added Richie because he has a funny picture of bird boy._

Biting his lip, Richie hesitates, but sends the picture.

_Mikey 10:07 am: Omg! He’s going to kill you when he wakes up, lol_   
_Patty 10:08 am: I’ll be sure to document it if he does. ;)_   
_Ben 10:10 am: You’d better!_

Yawning again, Richie looks at the TV and waits.

When Stan wakes up, he rubs his face and checks his phone, frowning a little. He looks over at Richie who is pretending to not to notice he’s woken up.

“Hey, asshole,” Stan says, tossing a throw pillow at Richie.

“Hmm?” Richie asks innocently.

“Why are you like this?” Stan laughs. “You get added to the group chat and immediately use it to pick on me.” He shakes his head.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Stan just licks his lips and starts typing away. A moment later, his text notification goes off.

He opens up the group chat and immediately blushes. There’s a picture of him sprawled out in the grass after falling when running away from a particularly vicious goose at a park from a few days before.

_Stan 10:37 am: You think you’re the only one with embarrassing pictures, Tozier?_   
_Bev 10:38 am: !!!_   
_Bev 10:38 am: There’s more? I demand more._

Richie and Stan spend the next hour sending embarrassing pictures of each other in the chat. Patty sends an occasional picture of the both of them asleep on the couch, at the park, and once on the floor when Richie had been having a moment, so Stan had stretched out next to him and they both fell asleep.

_Ben 11:20 am: You guys are ridiculous! Lol._   
_Richie 11:21 am: You love us._   
_Ben 11:22 am: We do._

Smiling, Richie looks over at Stan who is typing away, but makes eye contact with Patty who is just sitting there, studying Richie. Before Richie can say anything, Stan has sent another picture, and Richie goes back to the picture war.

Richie ends up falling asleep on the couch, phone in hand. He wakes up to a video of himself slumped over and snoring while Stan and Patty giggle in the background. Everyone in the chat tells Richie how cute he looks, and Richie just rolls his eyes.

“Staniel, why are you like this?” Richie asks aloud.

“You love it,” Stan says. Rolling his eyes, Richie gets up and pretends to smother Stan with a pillow. Patty takes a picture and sends it to their friends. Laying on top of Stan, Richie grabs Stan’s phone and opens it.

_Patty 3:47 pm: Do you see what I have to put up with? Lol_

“As if _you_ don’t love it,” Richie tells Patty and she ruffles his hair.

“I do love it.” She leans down and kisses his hair.

Looking up at her, Richie asks, “What was that for?”

“No reason,” she says and walks to the kitchen. Richie looks down at Stan who is just smiling up at him.

“My dude, you have a weird wife.”

“I have the best wife,” Stan says loud enough for Patty to hear him.

“Love you, too!” Patty calls back.

“Hey, Stan, your wife loves me,” Richie teases.

“She said ‘too’ as in ‘t-o-o’ not ‘two’ as in the number,” Stan laughs.

“Patty, your husband is being a bully!”

“Oh my God,” Stan groans.

“Oh, what is he doing now?” Patty asks.

“He says you don’t love me.”

“I didn’t-” Stan starts.

“Stan, why would you say such a terrible thing? Of course I love Richie!”

Smirking down at Stan, Richie says, “Told ya so.” He gets up and Stan just rolls his eyes. Richie goes to the bathroom.

The rest of the afternoon goes by slowly. Patty and Stan end up going to bed super early, and Richie tries to not feel sad. It had been such a good day, no need to taint it with his stupid little crush.

That night he sleeps ok, and when he wakes up, Stan is sitting in the front room alone drinking coffee. Richie flops next to him and steals his cup. There’s not much left, so he just finishes it off.

“Hey, you,” Stan says.

“Mmm.” Richie leans his head up against Stan’s shoulder.

“Sleep ok?”

“Yeah, you?”

Stan chews on his lip and shrugs. “Patty and I were up late talking.”

Twisting around a little, Richie studies his face and his chest tightens. This is it. They’re going to ask him to leave. “Oh? What about?”

“Well, you actually.”

Richie sits up and adjusts his glasses but doesn’t say anything.

“It’s not bad,” Stan says and takes Richie’s hand, sliding his fingers through Richie’s. Richie still doesn’t look at him. “Patty brought something to my attention.”

Nothing.

“Richie, I love you,” Stan says.

“I love you, too, Stan.”

“No. I _love_ you.”

Blinking Richie looks over at his friend.

“What the fuck, Stan? What- Where- Where’s Patty? What did you do, you fucking idiot? Patty is- Patty is the best.” Richie pulls his hand free as he glances at Stan’s bedroom door which is closed.

“No, it’s not like that!” Stan says.

“But- I don’t understand. How can-”

Taking a deep breath, Stan shifts in his seat. “Look, you’re from LA. I’m sure you’ve seen relationships that-”

“Stan, we aren’t twenty- hell, we aren’t thirty any more!”

Waving his hand, Stan shakes his head. “Don’t worry about the logistics just yet.”

“But- But the logistics are- I can’t-” His heart is jackhammering in his chest. He can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“Richie, it’s ok, really. Patty aside, what do you feel about me? It’s ok if you- if you don’t love me _like that_. You can even still stay if you want, but I just-”

Richie gets up and starts pacing. Part of him wants to run out of the house and never come back, another part of him wants to wake up Patty and demand what she is up to, and another part wants to…

“Stan, it _doesn’t matter_ what I feel. _You’re married._ To a woman. I didn’t even know- Since when-”

“Please, Richie, sit down.”

Shaking his head, Richie bites his lip.

“It’s ok. _Really._ ,” Stan insists.

Richie studies him and throws his arms out in a ‘what gives’ gesture. “So, what, are you bi now?”

“I don’t know.”

Richie throws his hands up in the air. It’s too fucking early for this, and he hasn’t had his coffee yet.

“Richie, please.”

Sighing, Richie sits back down.

Swallowing hard, Richie looks over at him. His heart is pounding so hard in his chest when he says, “Stan. How- When?”

“I don’t know,” Stan says. “Sometime over the last several months, I just fell.”

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense?”

“People _never_ love me back,” Richie whispers, and Stan smiles softly.

“Love you back?” Stan scoots a little closer, cups Richie’s cheek in his hand. “You love me?”

“Of course I love you, Stan. How could I not?” Richie leans forward and brushes his lips softly against Stan’s. He starts to pull back, but Stan pushes in a little closer, kissing a few more times before pushing his forehead into Richie’s and closing his eyes.

“I still don’t understand how this is going to work though. I don’t- I mean I love Patty, but I don’t _love_ Patty,” Richie says. “ _I_ am a gay man.”

“Why don’t we go talk to Patty? She’s got some good ideas.”

“You were serious when you said she told you that you love me, aren’t you?”

Nodding, Stan gets up and tugs Richie to his bedroom. They go in and find Patting sitting up in an unmade bed, still in her pajamas but wide awake. She looks at her husband, at Richie, and their hands clasped together. Patty smiles widely at them.

“Good morning,” Patty says.

Richie nods and follows Stan to the bed and drops his hand. Patty shifts around, and the two men sit down with her so they basically form a circle.

“Are you _really_ ok with this?” Richie asks, pointing between him and Stan.

Nodding, Patty says, “Yes, yes I am.”

“Why?” Richie asks.

“Because I love Stan. And I could never deny Stan something he wanted, something that made him so incredibly happy.”

Blushing, Richie looks down at his hands. “How did you know?” He asks.

“I see the way he looks at you, the way he touches you.” Patty sighs. “Life is short and we deserve to enjoy what we have however we have it.”

“But that almost makes it sound like you’re- like you don’t want this, but you don’t want to lose him,” Richie says.

“It’s not like that at all. Stan is-” She pauses looking for the right words. “Stan is the love of my life and my best friend. I trust him to not leave me.”

“But what-”

“I would never leave Patty,” Stan jumps in. Richie looks at Stan who looks so serious and yet still soft. Richie wants to reach out and touch him, but he can’t quite make himself do it.

“Good. I wouldn’t want that.”

Stan smiles a little. “He told me I was a fucking idiot when he thought I left you,” Stan tells Patty.

“I mean, you would be a fucking idiot if you left me,” Patty says to Stan. They all laugh.

“Patty, you’re the best,” Richie says. “I fucking love you.” He blushes. “I- I mean- Not like-”

“It’s fine, Richie,” Patty says gently. “I know what you mean. I love you, too.”

Smiling a little, Richie chews on his lips, and takes a deep breath. “Ok, so like. How does this work? I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Neither have we,” Patty assures him. “I think we should take this slow. Today we should just talk about what might make us uncomfortable, and make sure we keep communication open. This isn’t going to work if any of us keeps anything bottled up inside.”

Stan and Richie look at each other and smirk. They are truly the Kings of Repressed Emotions.

“Fair enough,” Richie says. “Where should we start?”

“Well,” Stan says. “Do you want me and Patty to be less affectionate in front of you? Less kissing?”

“No,” Richie says, truly confused. “Why would I want that?”

“So you don’t feel left out,” Stan says.

“Oh.” He thinks about this for a minute. “I- I never really felt left out, so please don’t be less affectionate. _That_ would be weird.”

“Ok,” Patty says. Richie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“What about us being affectionate in front of Patty?” Stan asks as he looks at Richie.

Blushing again, Richie says, “I mean considering we _just_ kissed, nothing- No change?”

“Ok,” Stan says, and Patty smiles at them.

Richie’s head is reeling. He’s tired and needs coffee and is probably dating Stan, who is married to a woman, and-

“I want to take our physical relationship slowly at first,” Stan says, bringing Richie back to the moment.

_Physical relationship?!_

“And I want to keep Patty in the know of what we’re doing-” Richie balks. “Like not explicit detail, but once we start getting physical, Patty should know. She’s my wife and it’s her right to know what I, her husband, am doing sexually with another person.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Richie says as he studies Stan. He can’t believe this is happening. He hasn’t even been awake for an hour and the world is already upside down.

“Is there anything you want?” Patty asks gently.

Licking his lips, Richie shrugs a little. “I- The only thing that’s coming to mind is maybe Stan sleeps in my bed a little more? Like not every night, just a little more? If he wants, that is. Not-” Richie looks at Stan. “No pressure.”

“I would like that,” Stan assures him, and Richie smiles a little.

“Totally fair,” Patty says.

Richie smiles at her. He’s still not entirely convinced this isn’t some sort of fever dream.

“So, Richie,” Stan says.

“Yes, Stanley.”

“Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?”

Blinking a little, Richie asks, “Like- Like on a date?” Stan nods. “Yes, yes I would.” He glances at Patty, laughing a little. “This. This is going to take some getting used to.”

“Yeah, that’s ok,” Patty says. “It’s going to be an adjustment for all of us.”

Nodding, Richie sighs. “Ok.” He starts to get up and sits back down. “Do you guys want some coffee? I want some coffee.”

“That would be great,” Stan says. “Considering you stole mine.”

“ _Stole yours_?! You had like two sips left! Hardly much of a theft!” Richie says and gets up. Stan rolls his eyes a little as Richie leaves the bedroom. He rubs his face as he walks into the kitchen and looks around.

“Fever dream,” he mumbles to himself as he checks the coffee. There’s enough for one cup, so he pours it for himself and starts a fresh pot. He goes to the fridge and pulls out some stuff for breakfast.

Richie floats for the rest of the day. Every time he looks at Stan or Patty, he blushes, but other than that, it’s a fairly typical Sunday. After lunch, Richie tells the others he’s going to take a nap, but really he just lays in bed and stares at his phone until 4:30 when he gets up to shower and shave. Patty and Stan are watching some show, and barely look up at him as he disappears into the bathroom.

When he gets out, Stan is gone, but Patty is still on the couch. Wearing just a robe, Richie goes over to her and sits down.

“Hey,” she says.

“Um, I just wanted to make sure, you’re _really_ ok with this.”

“Yeah, I’m really ok with this,” Patty says.

“You’ll tell me when you’re not ok, right?”

“Yes. And you’ll tell me when you’re not alright?”

Richie nods. “Are you gonna be ok alone tonight?”

Smiling, she says, “I’ll be fine. I know Stan is going to be with someone who cares about him and makes him happy. I’m going to be good.”

“Thanks, Patty,” Richie says.

“I hope you two have fun tonight,” she says.

Unsure of what to say to this, Richie just nods and gets up. He squeezes her shoulder as he goes back to his room and begins to sort through his clothes.

A little after five, Stan knocks on his door. Richie opens it and smiles, a little taken aback. Stan is wearing a soft looking sweater and some dark slacks.

“You look good,” Richie says a little breathlessly.

“Thanks,” Stan says. “You look good, too.” Richie blushes a little. He’s just wearing some chinos and a short sleeved button up shirt with little birds all over it.

“Thank you,” Richie says. “Where are you taking me for dinner, Mr. Uris?” 

“I was thinking Chinese?”

“Chinese is good.”

Stan takes his hand and they leave. Richie fidgets the whole car ride. It’s been _so long_ since he’s been on a date, and he’s never been on a date like this. A date where going in he knew his partner was just as interested in Richie as Richie was with him. He thinks this should help, but somehow it makes him more nervous.

When they get to the restaurant, they are seated quickly. They sit across from each other and stare at their menus until the waiter comes. Richie orders a Dr. Pepper, and Stan gets hot tea.

As soon as the waiter is out of sight, Richie laughs, shaking his head. “You would get tea.”

“What’s wrong with liking tea?”

“You’re just so predictable, Stan.” Richie starts bouncing his knee under the table. He can’t help it. There’s so many feelings crawling under his skin, it’s amazing he hasn’t flown apart into a million different little pieces.

“Am I though?” Stan asks. He reaches across the table and laces his fingers through Richie’s.

“Mmm. Maybe not.” Richie gently strokes Stan’s thumb with his.

“What are you going to get?”

Smiling, Richie shrugs, and glances back at the menu.

They hold hands until they get their food, but Stan surprises Richie a little by shoving his foot up against Richie’s so they can stay connected. Richie smiles over at him. It doesn’t take long for Richie to fall back into a familiar pattern with Stan, cause it is Stan. Not _that much_ has changed. It’s nice.

When they finish dinner, they go to a nearby park. It’s cold and the sun is setting, but Stan just slips his arm under Richie’s as they walk around the path.

“How are you doing?” Stan asks after a bit.

“I’m good,” Richie says. “Still a little shocked to be here, with you, like this.”

“Fair.”

“How are you?”

“I’m doing great. I’m here with you.”

They smile at each other, and Stan sighs as he rests his head on Richie’s shoulder. They walk in silence for a few more minutes.

“So I was thinking, I know we have been staying in a lot lately, but maybe we can go on more dates,” Stan says. “Do things properly, you know?”

Richie snorts. “Sorry. I would love to go on more dates with you. The _properly_ got me.”

Stan chuckles softly. “I’m also going to start going out on more dates with Patty. We used to go out and do things a lot, and we both miss it.”

“Oh,” Richie says. “I- Yeah, no that’s good. I- I’m sorry if I got in the way-”

“Oh, no, Richie, it wasn’t- We didn’t not go on dates because of you. It was because…”

Richie blushes. “Right, sorry. You know me-”

“Yeah, I know you.” Stan squeezes his arm. “It’s ok.”

“What kinds of things do you like to do on dates?”

Stan shrugs. “I like going out to eat, hiking, minigolf, movies. Normal things.”

“ _Normal things._ ” Richie laughs.

“What do you like to do?”

“I-” He shakes his head a little. “It’s been so long since I went on an actual date, I don’t even know. I used to get on Grindr or Tinder, but like. Those weren’t-” He clears his throat. “Those weren’t what I would call _dates_ you know?”

“Fair enough,” Stan says. “If you think of anything you’d wanna do, let me know?”

“Ok,” Richie says. He wants to lean over and kiss Stan’s cheek, but then a runner calls out, “On your left.” Stan and Richie move out of the way.

“You ready to get home?” Stan asks.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

They turn around and walk back to the car. When they get back to the house, Patty is in the shower. They walk to Richie’s door, and Richie bites his lip.

“Well, Mr. Uris. You’ve been a real gentleman tonight,” Richie says.

“Thank you. I look forward to taking you out again, Mr. Tozier.”

Richie smiles at him. “So, uh, is this a _leave the date at the door_ moment, or do you wanna come in?”

“I can come in for a bit,” Stan says. They go into Richie's room.

After flicking on the light, Richie closes the door. They go to the bed and lay down next to each other but don’t touch, just look at each other.

“I had a lot of fun tonight,” Richie says.

“Me too.”

They don’t say anything for a moment, and then they both try to talk at the same time. Laughing, Richie says, “You go first.”

“I was just curious if I could kiss you.”

Clearing his throat, Richie nods. “Yeah, uh. Yeah. I would really like that.” They scoot closer to each other, and Stan reaches out, putting his hand on Richie’s neck. He leans forward and kisses Richie so softly, and Richie sighs. They share soft, lazy kisses for several minutes, neither of them in any hurry to do anything more.

When they break apart, Richie just looks up at Stan.

“You are so fucking pretty,” Richie blurts out.

Smiling softly, Stan says, “No, you are.”

Richie rolls his eyes. “You are ridiculous.”

“You’re ruining the moment,” Stan teases.

“Your- Well, no. Your face isn’t ruining the moment.” They both laugh. Stan kisses him again, and then they just lay there with their eyes closed.

After a bit, Stan sighs. “I should go.”

Richie opens his eyes. “Oh.”

“I’m getting tired.”

“So you don’t-”

“It’s not that, I just- Patty.”

Licking his lips, Richie nods. “Right.”

“I just- It’s our first date. Maybe tomorrow night though? It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t want anyone to feel left out, you know? And this is our _first_ date. I need to check in with her.”

Sighing, Richie nods. “Yeah, ok.” And then something clicks. “Tomorrow night? Really?”

Stan smiles. “Yeah, tomorrow night.”

“Ok, yeah.”

They get up and walk to the door. Richie kisses Stan one more time oh so gently.

“Sleep well, Rich.”

“You too, Staniel.”

Opening the door quietly, Stan steps out into the dark living room. Richie is a little surprised only because he’s so used to seeing Patty in the living room, but he also understands why she’s made herself scarce. Weirdly, Richie wants to check in with her too, but decides it would be better to just wait until the morning. After closing the door, he leans up against it, a small smile on his face.

Stanley Uris loves him, and they are dating, and they kissed, and life is so fucking weird, but Richie just stands there feeling so _fucking_ lucky. He didn’t know that things like this could happen to him.

A few minutes later, he goes to his dresser to get his pajamas.


	6. I’m In Love With The Hunt Itself

A few days later, Richie is flopped over on the couch half asleep when his phone goes off. He picks it up and sees a picture of Mike petting a dog. It was sent by Bill. Frowning, Richie rubs his eyes and sits up.

_Bill 11:37 am: Look at this beauty! Oh, and there’s a dog!_

Richie stares down at his phone. Mike is on the floor with a scrappy looking brown dog who was mid jump. He looks so fucking happy, and the dog is clearly having the time of its life. Richine can’t understand what’s going on.

It’s not that Mike isn't beautiful, because he is. He’s just not sure why _Bill_ is saying it.

_Bev 11:39 am: Is that your new dog, Bill? He’s so pretty!_   
_Bev 11:39 am: Give him lots of pats for me and Ben!_   
_Mike 11:40 am: Bill, you are such a doof._   
_Bill 11:40 am: Takes one to know one. :p_

Stan comes up behind Richie and kisses the top of his head. “You ready to go meet Patty for lunch?”

Nodding, Richie says, “Did you see Bill got a dog?” His phone keeps going off, presumably with more messages in the group chat. Richie gets up and goes to get his shoes.

“Did he? Good for him.”

Richie bites his lip. He wants to ask how Bill is, but he can’t quite make himself ask. Over the past few weeks, Richie had realized just how much he missed Bill. They had been very careful to not engage in conversations together, but now Bill has a dog. Richie loves dogs. Richie wants to have the privilege of requesting dog pictures at any time, but he can’t do that if he and Bill aren’t talking.

Still thinking about this, they get in the car and Richie drives them to the school. Patty is waiting for them in the office when they come in.

“Hey, babylove,” Stan says. He pulls Patty in for a hug.

“Hey, ducky,” Patty whispers. “How was your morning?” They talk quietly as they walk back to Patty’s classroom. Richie follows after them looking down at the groupchat. The whole conversation was basically about the dog, Bucky, and how cute he was. As they go into the classroom, Richie begins to type.

_Richie 11:57 am: Such a cute doggo! I’m glad he found a good home._

He shoves his phone in his pocket and sits down to eat. Stan pulls out his phone and looks down. He smiles, reaches over, and squeezes Richie’s hand before they split up the food.

As they are leaving, Richie’s phone goes off again.

_Bill 12:49 pm: Thanks, Richie._

It isn’t much, but it’s something.

When they get back to the house, Richie flops on the couch and buries his face in the pillows. He listens as Stan putters around for a few minutes, but eventually he makes his way over to Richie and lays on top of him.

“You ok, baby boy?” Stan asks, nuzzling into Richie’s neck. Richie smiles a little.

His brain is going seventy-miles-an-hour, and he can’t figure out how to say what he wants to say. He shrugs a little. Stan kisses his neck.

“Need anything?” Stan asks.

“I don’t think so,” Richie says. “What do you want to do this afternoon?”

“Mmm. Lay on the couch with you.”

“Just lay here? Not watch movies or TV?”

“We could talk.”

“About?”

“Whatever.”

Richie bites his lip. “If you’re trying to get me to talk about Bill, it’s not gonna work.”

Chuffing a little, Stan kisses his neck. “Ok, baby boy. Wanna watch a movie?”

“What do you wanna watch?”

Stan pulls himself up and rubs his face. Richie sits up and grabs the remote while Stan pulls out some blankets. After putting on some random movie that he knows Stan likes, he waits for Stan to sit down before curling up into Stan. He pulls the blanket up over them and settles onto Stan’s chest. Richie listens to Stan’s heartbeat as Stan rubs his back.

He closes his eyes and thinks about the last time he saw Bill, how hurt he looked. Richie feels bad for the way they left things, but also if Bill had just left him alone, maybe things could have gone differently. Ever since they were kids, Bill had been so bullheaded, but then again, so had Richie.

At some point, Richie falls asleep, and doesn’t wake up till Patty comes in.

“Let me up, baby boy,” Stan murmurs into his hair.

Groaning, Richie slides to the back of the couch and Stan gets up. He goes to Patty and Richie settles back into the couch. He knows he should get up, but he just pulls the blankets closer. He drifts in and out, listening to the other two make dinner. He doesn’t get up till Stan comes over and gently strokes the shell of Richie’s ear. Richie twitches and slaps Stan away.

“What?” Richie mumbles into the pillows.

“It’s dinner time.”

Sighing, Richie sits up and rubs his face. Stan giggles a little and fluffs Richie’s hair.

“Have a good nap?” Stan asks. Richie leans into him.

“Why did you let me sleep so long?” Richie asks. “I’m not gonna sleep tonight.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you though?”

“Not really.” Stan laughs and Richie gets up. After stumbling around the couch, Richie pulls Stan in for a tight hug.

“You’re mean,” Richie says. They walk to the kitchen table.

After dinner, Richie does the dishes while Stan and Patty relax on the couch. When he’s done, he goes to his room and lays down on his bed, playing a game on his phone while trying to not think about Bill.

Around nine, there’s a soft knock on his door, and Stan comes shuffling in. He’s wearing some pajamas and looking rather sleepy.

“Hey, mind if I join you?” Stan asks.

“No, come on in.” Richie scoots over and Stan curls up under the blankets next to him. Richie puts down his phone and looks at Stan.

“Hi,” Richie whispers.

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. Sleepy.”

Richie laughs. “I’m not.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok.” Richie brushes Stan’s curls back out of his face. “You just make a really comfortable bed.”

“I’ve been told,” Stan says and Richie giggles.

“I love you,” Richie murmurs.

“I love you, too.”

“Do you think we could kiss a little? I really liked that.”

“I would love that,” Stan whispers. He leans forward and kisses him. They lay there for several minutes just sharing slow, lazy kisses. Richie can’t believe this is really happening, that Stan is really here in bed with him, loving him, kissing him.

Richie could stay like this forever, but eventually Stan pulls back and pushes his face into Richie’s chest.

“You sleepy?” Richie asks.

“Mhmm.”

“Well too bad, I’m not. You stay in here, I’ll just keep you awake.”

Stan snorts. “Fair enough.” He pulls back and kisses Richie again. “Hey, by the way, Patty and I are thinking about going out tomorrow night.”

“Oh, like a date?” Richie asks excitedly.

“Yeah,” Stan says.

Smiling wide, Richie kisses him again. “Good. I’m glad you’re going out. I’m glad- I’m glad you’re doing better.”

Stan licks his lips. “Me too. I’m really glad you stayed.”

“I’m glad you’re letting me stay.”

After kissing him again, Stan groans and sits up. “Love you, Richie. Sleep well.” He gets up and walks to the door.

“Love you, too,” Richie says. “Sleep well.”

When he’s alone, Richie sighs and rolls away from the door. He puts his fingers to his lips and smiles. Two weeks ago, if someone had told him what an abrupt change his life was going to take, he would never have believed them, and yet here he lies, still fully clothed, the other side of the bed still warm from Stan’s body.

He’s not tired, but he feels so relaxed. After a bit, he gets up and goes to the front room so he can quietly watch TV and play around on his phone. He ends up staying awake longer than he means to, which results in him missing breakfast, but Stan crawls into bed with him after Patty leaves, and Richie gets to wake up next to his favorite person.

***

The next couple of weeks fly by. On the surface, from the outside, it doesn’t look like much has changed. They basically have the same routines but at the same time it feels like everything has changed. Richie cannot remember the last time he had a serious and consistent kissing partner, and that’s all it’s been, just soft lazy kisses. He doesn’t want to push Stan so one Saturday afternoon when they come home to an empty house from a movie date, Richie’s a little surprised when Stan’s generally lazy kisses on the couch become more pointed. When he shifts on top of Richie, Richie’s eyes shoot open when he feels Stan’s hard cock through their pants. Richie’s stomach does a flop.

Kissing back just as hungrily, just as needily, Richie reaches up and gently fists Stan’s curls. The kiss turns rougher, both of them licking into each other’s mouths, breathing hard through their noses. When they inevitably bang their glasses together, Stan pulls back, takes off both of their glasses, and sets them on the coffee table before kissing Richie again.

Richie’s brain is having trouble processing everything, but his body knows what to do, and it’s not long before Richie rolls his hips up into Stan’s, desperate for some sort of friction, some sort of relief. He’s so fucking hard. Stan moans, so Richie does it again, and Stan breaks the kiss with a small huff.

Taking a deep breath, Stan says, “Maybe- Maybe we should slow down.”

“Ok.” Richie takes a deep breath to try and get his breathing under control. He rubs his face with his hands. “Do you want to stop? We can stop.”

“No, but Patty’s going to be home soon,” Stan says. Richie glances at the clock. It’s almost four, and Patty is due back any time from her lunch with her friends.

“Oh,” Richie whispers. He wants to ask why that should stop them, why they can’t go into Richie’s room, but the words get caught in his throat and Stan is sitting up and adjusting his slacks. Richie pulls his foot away and sits up slowly.

Stan pulls him close again, fingers tangled up in his button up and kisses him softly. They go back to the lazy kisses, and Richie just sighs. They kiss until Patty unlocks the door and they both jump. Stan gets up and goes to the door while Richie disappears into the bathroom. He splashes cold water on his face and tries to get himself under control before he goes back to the front room.

Patty is in the kitchen making some tea and talking to Stan who is leaning casually against the counter like five minutes before his dick hadn’t been rock hard. He looks up as Richie comes over to them and winks.

“We’re on our own for dinner,” Stan tells him.

Shrugging, Richie says, “I’ll order pizza.” Richie leans against the opposite counter. They all talk for a few more minutes before heading to the couch. Richie and Patty sit at opposite ends of the couch, Stan stretches out on his back in between them, his head in Patty’s lap, his feet in Richie’s. They watch something light, and after a bit, Richie starts massaging Stan’s feet. Stan moans a little.

“Too hard?” Richie asks. He looks over at Patty’s end of the couch and sees her gently running her fingers through Stan’s hair.

“No, it’s perfect. Today is such a good day.” Eyes closed, he sighs. Richie smiles over at Patty.

Eventually Richie does order the pizza. He and Stan eat on the couch while they watch TV. Patty picks off bits of veggies and cheese from Stan’s pizza, and it’s a good evening.

When they go to bed, Stan kisses Richie gently.

“You have a good night, baby boy,” Stan whispers.

“Love you, manly.”

“Manly?”

“Yeah. Stan the Man, Stanley the Manly, manly.”

Stan laughs. “I love you, too, you total goofball.” He kisses Richie again and they go to their separate rooms.

Richie changes into his pajamas and he lays in his bed. He puts something low on his phone and curls up on his side.

And then a little bit later, he hears it. A soft, high pitched moan. Richie smirks a little. 

_At least someone’s getting some tonight,_ he thinks to himself. Clearing his throat, he tries to return his attention back to his show.

When it happens again, it’s louder, and Richie feels himself starting to grow hard, which is weird because he’s pretty sure it’s Patty he can hear, not Stan. But since he can’t hear Stan, only Patty, Richie’s pretty sure he’s going down on her, and then Richie’s brain is filling with pictures of Stan’s mouth around his cock, and he feels himself grow even harder.

When Patty moans again, softer this time, but still loud enough to hear, Richie slides his hand down to palm himself. He knows he should stop listening, get his headphones or something, but he just lays there with his hand on his dick.

There's another moan, and Richie thinks about the couch, about Stan's mouth on his. He thinks about Stan's long fingers stretching him open, and Richie lets out a little moan of his own.

He rolls onto his back, slides his hand down his pants and closes his eyes. He can still hear Patty, more insistent, all high pitched and breathy, and Richie's mouth waters.

Stan is doing that. Stan is making those moans and groans fall out of Patty's mouth. Stan. His Stan.

All Richie can see is Stan's perfect face as he strokes himself. His thighs begin to tighten, and he moves his hand quicker. Normally he would try to drag it out, but tonight it’s all too much, he’s too keyed up. He strokes faster, biting his lip to keep from being too loud. There’s _no way_ he could live down Stan and Patty finding out he was jerking off to them.

He comes with a soft grunt, and strokes himself through the aftershocks. Breathing hard, he wipes his hand on the blanket and takes a few deep breaths. While he was distracted, one of the others had turned the music up, so Richie guessed it was Stans turn. Huffing under his breath a little, he gets up and goes to the bathroom to clean up.


	7. And My Dreams Become Sweeter When Something Is Missing

A few days later, Richie is drinking coffee at the kitchen table and reading a book on his phone. Stan comes over and wraps his arms around Richie’s shoulders, kissing the side of his cheek a few times.

“Mmm, you smell good,” Stan murmurs.

“Thanks, I showered.” They both laugh.

“You always smell so good.”

Frowning, Richie laughs and shakes his head. “That’s a lie, but I love you anyway.”

Chuffing, Stan kisses him again. “Is there coffee?”

Nodding, Richie points to the pot. “You know there is.” Stan goes to get some. Smiling a little Richie shakes his head. Only Stan would be fully dressed before noon on a Saturday morning. “Patty still asleep?”

“She’ll be out in a minute. You eat yet?”

Richie shakes his head, no.

“Wanna come to the diner with us?” Stan asks.

“Diner? What? My breakfast not good enough for you?”

“We thought you could use the morning off,” Patty says as she comes out of her bedroom. She is also fully dressed.

“Love to see that the two of you assumed I would want to go out.”

“Aww, come on, baby boy. Let us treat you,” Stan says and Richie narrows his eyes a little.

“You’re trying to butter me up for something.”

The other two laugh.

“And so what if we are?” Patty asks.

“What do you want?”

“Come to breakfast,” Stan says. “Our treat.”

“And if I refuse?”

Stan shrugs. “Have fun by yourself I guess.” They all laugh.

Groaning, Richie stretches and gets up. “Let me get dressed.” He takes his coffee to his room and pulls on some clothes. He can’t help but feel a little nervous, but if they are going out for breakfast it can’t all be bad, right?

“At least I can get real bacon,” Richie says to himself as he pulls on his pants. He finishes his coffee and goes back out to the others.

They leave quickly and have a pleasant breakfast. They sit at a table, Stan between them. Richie wants to take his hand for some sort of assurance, but he doesn’t move. Stan keeps bumping his knee and smiling at him though.

When they are done eating, the waiter drops off the check and Richie sighs.

“So. Are you going to tell me what all this is about?” Richie asks. He fiddles with a straw wrapper and Patty glances at Stan.

“Thanksgiving is next week,” Stan says.

Chest tightening, Richie nods. “Yeah. And?” They hadn’t talked about the holidays, and honestly Richie has been dreading this conversation. As he’s sitting there, he realizes he doesn’t even know if Stan’s parents are still alive.

“Ben and Bev have invited us and the other Losers to Colorado for the week,” Stan says.

Letting out a small laugh, Richie’s chest loosens a little. He knows ticket prices are going to be outrageous, but it would be ok. He opens his mouth to say he was in, but then he frowns.

“Why didn’t Bev and Ben ask me? Why are you bribing me with bacon?” Richie asks.

Stan glances at Patty and then it clicks.

“Bill’s going to be there,” Richie says.

Smiling softly, Patty reaches out and takes Richie’s hand. It takes all of his effort to not pull away.

“Their house is huge,” she says. “You and Bill can have lots of space.”

Part of him knows this is true, that they can avoid each other all week if they need to, but Richie doesn’t want to spend the week locked up alone in a guest room. Although, if he doesn’t go, he’ll be alone in Atlanta.

“Tickets are going to be impossible to get,” Richie says. He’s stalling, trying to figure out what to do.

“Ben has a private jet,” Stan says.

“Of course he does.” Richie sighs. He and Bill have been getting along ok on the group chat, so maybe it would be ok. Maybe. He clears his throat and says, “Alright, we can go.”

Stan and Patty cheer.

“It’s going to be so much fun!” Patty says.

“It’s going to be great!” Stan agrees as he studies Richie who just sighs and nods.

“Yeah, yeah. When do we leave?” Richie asks.

“I have the whole week off, so we were hoping for Sunday if that’s ok,” Patty says.

Richie chews his lip. That gives him and Bill a week to get used to the idea that they will be stuck in a house together for a whole week. He wonders what’s going to happen with Bill’s dog, but instead of asking, he just sighs.

“Alright. Just let me know when to be ready,” Richie says.

Patty lets out an excited squeak and Stan leans over and kisses his cheek. Blushing, Richie pushes him off.

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie says. He squeezes Patty’s hand.

“Come on, babies. Let’s go home,” Stan says. They all get up and go to the counter to pay. Patty drives them home, and Stan keeps glancing back at Richie.

“What? Do I have a booger?” Richie asks after the fifth time.

Smiling gently, Stan shakes his head, no. “I’m just so happy.” He reaches back and squeezes Richie’s knee. “Love you.”

Blushing again, Richie takes his hand and squeezes a little. “Love you, too.” This is the first time they’ve had a moment like this in front of Patty, and Richie is a little weirded out, but Patty says nothing.

When they get home, Patty has papers to grade, so she sits at the kitchen table while the men go to the couch. Richie curls up on top of Stan and Stan strokes his back.

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Stan asks. “We can go later. Or you can come later. You don’t have-”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Richie interrupts. Stan squeezes him.

“Alright. Do you want to go later?”

“No, we can go Sunday. I want to see everyone. I’m sure Bill is looking forward to seeing me as much as I’m looking forward to seeing him.

Sighing, Stan just keeps rubbing Richie’s back. Richie pulls out his phone and begins to text the group.

_Richie 11:40 am: Who is excited to see me next Sunday?_

Several text bubbles pop up and all of their phones begin to explode.

“I take it you told them we are going?” Patty asks from the kitchen table. They all laugh.

Stan gives Richie a little squeeze.

“We still on for our date tonight?” Richie asks. He doesn’t look at his phone, just puts it on the table.

“Of course, baby boy.” Stan kisses Richie’s hair. “You gonna take a nap?”

Richie nuzzles into Stan’s chest. “You know me well.” He sighs. “Do you want me to get up?”

“No, you can nap here.”

Humming, Richie leans over, grabs a blanket, and pulls it over them. He takes off his glasses and puts them on the table before settling into Stan’s chest. He falls asleep quickly.

He dreams of the caverns again. Of those moments before Eddie had died. Richie could have said something, there was time when the others were fighting Pennywise, but he was afraid. He was afraid Eddie would have rejected him, been repulsed by him, and he didn’t want their last minutes to be like that. But this time, Eddie had taken his hand.

“Richie, I’m scared,” Eddie whispered.

“I know. I’m scared too.”

“You won’t forget me again, will you?”

“No, Eddie. I won’t forget you. I-” The cavern rumbles and the others come over.

“Richie, we need you,” Bill says.

Frowning, Richie shakes his head. “I can’t.” But when he looks back at Eddie, he’s a decomposed body. Maggots and bugs crawl out of his mouth and eye sockets. Gagging, Richie pulls his hand free, but the skeletal hand won’t let go.

“Don’t forget me,” Eddie says.

Gagging again, Richie pulls harder but just ends up pulling Eddie’s hand off his arm. Richie yells out, calling the other for help. When he turns around, they are all gone except Bill who is standing there watching him.

“Why can’t you just let go?” Bill asks.

“How could you let go so easily?” Richie asks.

Eddie lets out a screeching noise and they turn to look at him. The body is slowly getting to its feet.

Bill grabs Richie’s sleeve. “Come on. We’ve gotta go.”

“But Eddie-”

They are so busy arguing they don’t notice Eddie has come over. He grabs Richie and is about to take a bite out of him when he wakes up screaming and crying.

“Shh, shh,” Stan murmurs. “It’s ok. You’re ok. You’re safe. I’ve got you. It’s ok.”

Richie lets out a whimper and clings to Stan. His heart is racing. All he can see are the bugs coming out of Eddie. He just lays there sobbing for a long time.

When he eventually calms down, Stan kisses his hair again.

“It’s been a while since you had a dream like this,” Stan whispers.

Richie nods and rubs his eye with his palm.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Stan asks.

“No.”

“Do you want a tissue?”

Richie shakes his head, no.

“Do you want me to just keep holding you?”

Richie nods, yes.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Stan just rubs Richie’s back. “I love you so much, baby boy.”

“Love you, too, Stanny.”

Eventually Richie gets up and goes to the bathroom. After peeing he washes his hands and splashes some water on his face. Taking another deep breath, he goes back to the couch. Patty is leaning on the back and rubbing Stan’s shoulders. She jumps up when she sees Richie.

“You’re fine. I’m just getting my phone. I need to be alone for a bit,” Richie says.

“Are you sure?” Patty asks as Stan studies his face.

“I’m sure.” Richie goes to his room and closes the door. After taking another deep breath, he unlocks his phone and opens his text messages. He glances through them to see if Bill had responded yet. He’d sent one of the last messages.

_Bill 12:14 pm: Looking forward to seeing everyone!_

Richie takes a deep breath and pulls up Bill’s name is his contacts. He stares at the call button for a long time before eventually tossing his phone to the floor and rolling onto his side. He closes his eyes but all he can see is Eddie’s decomposed face.

“Eurgh!” He gets up and paces around his room a bit. Eventually he goes back out to the front room to find Patty back at work and Stan has pulled out a puzzle.

They both look up at Richie when he comes out.

“Are you ok?” Stan asks.

Richie shakes his head, no. "I don't- I can't go," Richie says.

How can he go? How can he face Bill when Richie hasn't talked to him in months because he was trying to move on from Eddie too soon, when it had barely been 4 months and already Richie is dating someone? He's such a fucking hypocrite.

Patty and Stan watch him for a moment as he continues to pace.

"What happened, Richie? What- What's going on?" Patty asks.

"I- I-" He lets out a sob and shakes his head.

"What can we do, Richie? What do you need?" Stan asks.

Richie just keeps shaking his head. He’s trembling and he's so _angry_ and sad and he can't catch his breath.

There's nothing they can do. Nothing at all. Eddie's gone and he-

"Fuck!" Richie yells and the other two jump.

"Richie." Stan gets up but doesn't come closer.

"I- I have- I can't-" Richie holds his arms to his chest as he tries to catch his breath.

No one says anything for several minutes, and Richie just stands there sobbing. Eventually his breathing starts to slow, but he just stands there with his head hung down.

"Richie," Stan breathes. Richie looks up. "Richie, do you want to come sit down?"

"Ok," Richie says in a small voice. He walks over and Stan takes his hand as they sit. Richie leans his head on Stan's shoulder as Patty gets up and gets them some waters from the fridge. She comes and sits on the other side of Richie so he is in between them but she doesn't touch him.

"Have some water, Richie," Stan says. He opens the bottle.

Richie shakes his head a little. "I'm not thirsty."

"It will help, baby boy. Just a little. Come on. Sit up."

Taking a deep breath, Richie sits up and takes the bottle. He takes a small sip, and the water does feel good on his throat.

"Good, that's good." Stan rubs Richie's back. "Can you do a little more for me?"

Richie takes a slightly larger sip.

"So good for me." Stan takes the bottle and Richie leans back on Stan's shoulder. He closes his eyes tiredly.

"Are you ready to talk?" Stan asks.

Richie shakes his head, no.

"Do you want to stay out here?" Stan asks.

"Yeah," Richie whispers.

"Is it ok if Patty stays?"

"Yeah, she can stay." He reaches next to him and takes her hand. They squeeze gently. "Can we watch something?"

"Yes, of course. Anything in particular you want to watch?"

"No."

"Ok, my sweet boy."

Richie closes his eyes again and just focuses on taking deep breaths. Patty leans forward and grabs the remote. She puts on something soft before getting up to get a spare comforter so they can all snuggle underneath it, Richie still in the middle. He holds Patty's hand and lets Stan hold him.

He feels so empty.

He drifts for a while, just laying there in between the two most important people in his life.

After a bit, Richie looks up at Stan.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Richie says.

"Ok, love." Stan shifts and they pull back the blankets. Richie gets up and goes to the bathroom. His brain feels stuffed, and all he wants to do is curl up in a little ball. After he uses the toilet, he goes back out to Stan and Patty who are talking quietly. They smile gently at him as he comes back.

"Hey," Stan says softly. There is a little shifting as Richie sits back down. Stan takes his hand and kisses his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Richie says as he rests his head on Stan's.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Stan says.

Humming a little, Richie just takes a deep breath.

"Are you ready to talk?" Stan asks again.

"I'm fine."

"No, Richie. You're not. You need to talk to us," Stan says.

"Stan," Patty murmurs, but Stan just shakes his head.

He looks at Richie.

"I don't-" He sighs. "I just- I don't know-" His eyes fill with tears again. "I just- Eds-" He takes another deep breath. "I just feel like if I really cared about- If I really _loved_ Eddie, I wouldn't-" He swallows. "I've been so mad because the others let go so quickly, and I- we- I'm just worried I'm letting go too quickly."

After a moment, Stan nods a little. "Do you want to stop dating? We can slow down or go back. We don't have to-"

Richie’s stomach twists. "I don't- I don't wanna stop."

"Do you wanna slow down?" Stan asks.

"What would that even look like?"

"I don't know. Do you want to do something differently?"

"Stan, I don't know." He's getting frustrated. He just wants to go back to floating.

"Would you maybe be more comfortable with going if we don't tell the others when we go? About us dating?"

Richie thinks this over. "Not really. I don't want to lie."

"Not telling the others wouldn't be a lie," Patty says.

"We would never be able to keep it from them. I talk too much," Richie says and chuckles a little.

Stan kisses his hair. "So what changed? Why don't you want to go anymore?"

"Bill. I was- We haven't-" He shakes his head. He sighs. "I'm still _so_ angry, but I don't know if I am even allowed to be."

"I'm not going to tell you how you feel, but is there a chance part of what you're feeling is how much you miss your friend?" Patty asks.

"Of course I miss Bill,” Richie says. “I never said I didn’t, I just- I miss Eddie.”

“We know.” Stan kisses Richie’s forehead. “Your feelings for me don't have to negate your feelings for Eddie.”

“But it’s not too soon?” Richie asks.

“That’s not a question we can answer,” Stan says.

Richie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Stan says.

After rubbing his face with his hands, Richie glances at the TV. “Thank you. Both of you.” He looks between them.

“Of course,” Patty says. “Is there anything else we can do for you?”

Richie shakes his head a little. “I just want to sit here for a little bit longer with both of you, if that’s ok?”

“Yeah, of course,” Patty says. She begins to adjust the blankets.

“Can you drink some more water for me?” Stan asks.

Sighing, Richie nods. He takes a few swallows and then lays back. Once Stan is settled, Richie curls up under Stan’s arm and they just lay there and watch a little TV. Eventually Patty sits up.

“Um, I made plans with some friends for while you two went on your date. I don’t know if you’re still going, but I still want to go out with my friends, if that’s ok,” Patty says.

“Of course it’s ok,” Richie says. He sits up and pulls her into a brief hug. “Thank you so much for everything. I really appreciate you.”

“Any time.” She squeezes him and then gets up. She and Stan share a look, and Stan nods.

“Will you be ok alone for a minute, baby boy?”

“Yeah, I’ll be ok,” Richie says.

Stan kisses him and then gets up. He and Patty go to their room and Richie pulls the blanket up closer to himself. It’s so warm and cozy. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. A few minutes later Stan and Patty come back out. They talk quietly, and then Patty leaves with a soft click of the door. Stan comes back and sits next to Richie. He brushes some hair out of Richie’s face and kisses his forehead.

“How are you feeling?” Stan asks.

“Better.”

“Are you hungry?”

Licking his lips, Richie takes a deep breath and tries to take stock of himself. “I could eat.”

“Any ideas what you want to eat?”

“Nope.” They both laugh. Richie sits up and rubs his face. “Are we still going on our date?”

“If you want to, yeah, we can.”

“I want to,” Richie says. “We were going to go to that Italian place, right? Still wanna go there?”

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.” He kisses Richie’s cheek. “Come on. Let’s get going.” They get up and Richie stretches.

“I’ll be ready in just a second,” Richie says.

“Take your time.” Stan starts to fold up the comforter and set the front room right while Richie closes the bathroom door. He uses the toilet and washes his face. His hair is a mess, but he just runs his fingers through it, trying to flatten it a little and calls it good. His clothes are wrinkled, but he doesn’t really care, and he doesn’t think Stan does either, so he just buttons up his over shirt a little, and turns off the light as he leaves the bathroom.

Stan is in the kitchen drinking some water when Richie comes back out.

“You ready, baby boy?” Stan asks.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” They put on shoes and coats and get in Stan’s car.

Dinner is quiet. They sit side by side in a booth, hip to hip, bumping into each other gently, but neither of them care. Stan rests his hand on Richie’s knee while they wait for their food and eat breadsticks. It’s nice. They don’t talk about anything from earlier, just about TV shows and the book Richie is reading. When the food comes, they feed each other a few bites of their different meals and Stan laughs when Richie licks the excess sauce off of Stan’s face, because of course he does.

After dinner, they hold hands as they drive around town, still talking quietly about nothing. When they get home, Patty is home, but back to grading papers. They wave a little, but disappear into Richie’s room. They curl up on the bed, and Richie puts something stupid on his phone.

“We really should get you a TV in here,” Stan says. “I tried to tell Patty we needed one, but she said it was ridiculous to have three TVs in a two person household.”

“Hmm. I think it’s kind of nice to have an excuse to get all cuddled up with you.”

Stan chuffs. “Like you need an excuse.”

Smiling, Richie leans up and kisses Stan softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He rubs his nose against Richie’s and kisses him again. “You are so amazing.”

“No, you’re amazing.” Richie reaches up and cups Stan’s face, licking his way slowly into Stan’s mouth. Richie twists towards Stan, his phone getting lost between them as they share soft kisses. Richie can never get enough of this.

When Stan shifts around and Richie’s phone jabs him in the thigh, Stan grabs it and holds it up to Richie’s face.

“If you had a TV we wouldn’t have to worry about _this_.” They laugh.

“I don’t need a TV.” He tosses his phone on the floor and pushes his forehead into Stan’s. “I’d rather be kissing you.”

Rolling his eyes, Stan just laughs. He kisses Richie gently. “How are you doing?”

Richie bites his lip. “I’m ok. Are you doing ok? I didn’t-” He clears his throat. “I didn’t freak you out, did I?”

“I’m doing pretty great. I’m here with you.” He kisses Richie again. “And, no, you didn’t freak me out. I know things are rough right now. Is there anything I can do?”

Richie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Just keep doing everything you’ve been doing. I appreciate it all so much. I love you so much.”

Smiling, Stan kisses him again. “Just let me know if anything changes.”

“I will.” Richie takes a deep breath and rolls onto his back. Playing with Stan’s hair, Richie says, “Is there anything different you need from me?”

“Nope,” Stan says. “You’re doing so good.” He curls his hand around Richie’s, laces their fingers together, and kisses the palm of his hand. They fall silent for several moments, and then Richie clears his throat.

“I’m thirsty. You want anything?” He starts to pull back, but Stan holds tight for a moment.

“One more kiss.”

Smiling, Richie leans over and kisses him. “Want something to drink?”

“Water, please.”

Nodding, Richie gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen. Patty has gone to bed; he can see a light under the door though, and knows she’s still up. He hopes she’s doing ok, that she had a good time with her friends. He thinks back to earlier that afternoon and blushes a little. It had been a while since he had a panic attack like that. He rubs his face as he gets cold waters from the fridge. When he gets back to his room, Stan is standing up and rubbing his face.

“I’m going to go put my pajamas on. I’ll be right back,” Stan says. He takes one of the water bottles and takes a sip.

“Ok,” Richie says. As soon as Stan’s gone he goes to the dresser and pulls out a clean t-shirt and some sleep pants. After he changes he gets into bed and squirms around to find his charger. Stan comes back in a moment later.

“Hey, you ready for bed already?” Stan asks.

“It’s been a long day.” Richie rubs his face.

“You wanna sleep in here?” Stan asks.

Richie blinks up at him. “You want me to sleep in your room?”

“I just want you to know you have options, and support. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I’m fine in here.”

“Do you want to sleep alone?”

Smirking a little, Richie says, “If you’re asking if I want Patty to sleep in here, then the answer is no. If you’re asking if I want you to sleep in here, then the answer is yes. Always yes.”

“Alright. Let me go say goodnight to Patty. I’ll be right back.”

“Tell her goodnight for me too. And thank her for me, will you?”

“Of course.” Stan leaves the door open as he goes to his wife’s room.

Richie shakes his head. He gets settled under his blankets, shoving his pillows around. He lays on his back and takes a deep breath as he thinks about Thanksgiving. Logically he knows the best time, probably, to make up with Bill is at Ben and Bev’s, but if it went badly, they would all be trapped in a huge house together, their group probably divided, and Richie doesn’t want that. The thought of calling Bill beforehand makes his skin crawl though.

Bill has not reached out to him again, which Richie appreciates. If he had tried to talk to him, there was no telling what could have happened. This seemed to say something about his ability to respect people’s boundaries, but not talking to someone when they are thousands of miles away is totally different than when they are stuck in the same house as you, no matter the square footage.

Richie sighs as he takes a drink of water. Stan comes back in a moment later and closes the door behind him. He slides in next to Richie and pulls him close.

“Patty told me to tell you goodnight too,” Stan says.

Richie smiles a little as he pushes into Stan’s space, shoving himself into the other man’s arms.

“Your wife is so sweet,” Richie says.

“She is.”

Stan brushes some hair off of Richie’s forehead and kisses him softly. They fall silent for several minutes, and then Richie takes a deep breath as he twists his fingers into Stan’s sleep shirt.

“I want to go to Colorado,” Richie whispers.

“You don’t have to make a decision tonight,” Stan says. “If you really don’t want to go, we can work something out so you won’t have to be alone for long.”

Richie shakes his head, no. “I want to go. I want to see the others. I want-” His words get stuck for a moment. “I want to see Bill.” And he does, he _really_ does want to see his friend. He hopes that things will go ok, but he knows if he doesn’t go, if he doesn’t _try_ nothing will change, and Richie can’t take it anymore.

“Are you sure?” Stan asks.

Laughing, Richie shakes his head, no. “I’m not, but I also know I’ll regret it if I don’t go. So I’ll go.”

Stan kisses his hair. “You’re so brave.”

“Yeah, well. The fact that I don’t have to pay for a plane ticket helps.” They both laugh.

“I love you so much, Richie.”

“I love you, too.” Richie leans over and kisses Stan.

At first, it’s like before, just soft lazy kisses, but then at some point, Stan is on top of Richie and his kisses become more purposeful. He sucks on Richie’s bottom lip and Richie’s dick starts to harden. He groans when Stan pulls back to kiss his cheek, his jaw, and eventually his neck. Richie tangles his fingers up into Stan’s hair and closes his eyes as he lets out small squeaks and moans.

After a bit, Stan pulls back a little. “Is this ok? Do you want to stop or slow down?”

Clearing his throat, Richie says, “No, but we should put on some music or something.”

Stan smiles a little and there is a brief struggle while they twist around to find Richie’s portable speaker and his phone. They talk briefly about playlists, and end up putting on one which has a bunch of soft songs, mostly from the 80s.

Once they are done, Richie pulls Stan close again. Their kisses are hungry, and needy. Richie had softened a little while they tried to get the music going, but it doesn’t take much time for him to get hard again. Richie twists his fingers into the back of Stan’s pajama shirt and he just clings as Stan goes back to his neck, licking and sucking. He doesn’t want to come too fast, and needs something to hold on to.

When Stan bites gently into Richie’s neck, Richie thrusts up and lets out a groan. Stan licks the spot and Richie lets out a little huff. Stan kisses him gently and pulls back.

“Why’d you stop?” Richie whines.

“You’re going to get a hickey,” Stan explains. He pushes Richie’s chin up and blushes a little. “Um. Your hickey will get worse.”

“You gave me a hickey?!” Richie asks and laughs.

“Sorry,” Stan mumbles.

“It’s ok, manly.” He reaches up and touches his neck. “There are worse things in life than a hickey.”

Stan kisses his lips again, and this time Richie slides his hands up the back of Stan’s sleep shirt, and scrapes his nails gently down Stan’s back. Stan breaks the kiss, moaning and thrusting his hips down. He’s so hard, and all Richie can think about is getting his hands on him. Or his mouth.

Breathing hard, Stan looks down at Richie. His hair is mussed, pupils blown, and he just looks so god damn perfect. Richie reaches up and cups his cheek. Stan closes his eyes and presses his face into Richie’s palm.

“I love you so much, Richie.”

“I love you too, Stan.”

“I don’t want to stop.”

“Good. I don’t want to either.” With a little grunt, Richie rolls them over so he’s on top, kissing and licking his way into Stan’s mouth before pushing up Stan’s shirt so he can get to the other man’s chest. Stan tosses it aside, and Richie begins to kiss his neck, collar bone, and chest. Stan curls one arm around Richie’s head, his fingers curled in Richie’s hair and the other slides down under Richie’s shirt. He rakes his fingers against Richie’s back and Richie lets out a low moan. Between kisses, Richie asks, “What do you want?”

“Huh?” Stan breathes.

“My hand? My mouth?”

Stan whimpers.

Pulling back a little, Richie looks up at Stan. “Too much?”

Shaking his head, no, Stan says, “I’m just-” He takes a deep breath. “Your hand. Your hand is good.”

“Alright.” Richie kisses his way back up to Stan’s mouth. Richie bites and sucks on Stan’s lips as he rolls his hips a few times. He knows they aren’t going to last long, but that’s ok. There’ll be other times when they can really stretch it out.

Richie reaches between them and palms at Stan’s cock as he kisses Stan’s neck. Stan moans and clutches tightly to Richie’s T-shirt. Swallowing hard, Stan thrusts his hips up and Richie just smirks into his neck.

“Fuck, Richie, you’re such a tease,” Stan complains.

Letting out a small laugh, Richie pulls back and undoes the tie on Stan’s sleep pants. There is a slight struggle as they work to get Stan’s pants off. Richie tugs out of his own shirt and they lay back down. Stan is laying on his back, Richie half on top of him. Kissing again, Richie lets his hand roam over Stan’s naked stomach and thigh before gently wrapping his fingers around Stan. 

“You are so beautiful,” Richie murmurs into Stan’s hair just behind his ear.

“Mmm,” Stan says.

Nibbling on Stan’s ear, Richie begins to stroke in earnest. Every soft little moan that he pulls out of Stan goes straight to his cock, and he can barely stand it. Stan twists his fingers into Richie’s sleep pants, and just holds tight as Richie keeps his hand moving.

“Fuck, Richie, you feel so good.”

Richie kisses down Stan’s neck, biting a little. “ _You_ feel so good.”

Huffing, Stan turns his head so they can kiss. Richie twists his wrist, rubbing his thumb over the head of Stan’s cock, and Stan moans into their kiss. They go like this for a few minutes. It’s so soft that it makes Richie’s heart flutter in his chest.

Eventually Stan breaks the kiss and pushes his forehead into Richie’s as he pants hard.

“‘S good, good, good,” Stan moans. “Fuck.”

Richie knows he’s close, can feel it by the way Stan’s legs are shaking, the way his balls are tightening. Biting his lip to keep his moans in, Stan just lets out these soft little huffs and grunts. Richie kisses his neck again.

“Wanna hear you,” he whispers into Stan’s ear. “Wanna hear you come.”

“Fuck!” Stan grips tighter. “Close. So close.”

“I know, manly, I know.” Richie moves his hand faster. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Stan comes with a loud grunt, and Richie strokes him through all the aftershocks. When he’s done, Richie wipes his hand on the bed spread and plants soft, gentle kisses all over Stan’s neck and face while Stan just lays there and tries to catch his breath.

“Fuck, Richie,” Stan whispers finally. He slowly lets go of Richie’s sleep pants. “Fuck. That was…” He shakes his head.

“And think, that’s just the beginning,” Richie teases.

Stan lets out a little laugh. “You are the best, Richie. The absolute best.” He kisses Richie again, and takes another deep breath. After a few minutes, Stan licks his lips and looks at Richie. He clears his throat.

“You doing ok?” Richie asks.

Stan nods a little. “I- I want it to be good for you too, but I- I don’t know how.”

Letting out a small laugh, Richie kisses Stan’s cheeks. “That’s ok. We all gotta start somewhere, manly.”

Sighing, Stan rolls on his side and kisses Richie. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. What can I do to help?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Stan says.

Richie kisses him and then pulls away a little. “Come on, sit up. I have an idea.” Furrowing his brow a little, Stan sits up and waits. “Alright.” Richie adjusts some of his pillows and pats the space in front of them. “Sit here, manly.”

“Ok.” While Stan moves into position, Richie gets up and takes off his pants and boxers. He can’t help his small smile when he sees Stan eyeing his cock like it’s the biggest treat he’s ever been offered.

“Spread ‘em,” Richie says, tugging at one of Stan’s legs as he sits on the bed. Stan spreads his legs and Richie sits in front of him with his back to Stan’s chest. He pulls Stan’s hands under his arms and settles back. “Comfortable?”

Stan nods and kisses Richie’s shoulder.

“Ok. Now, just pretend like you’re alone, pretend like it’s been a long day, and you need to blow off a little steam, but Patty and I are gone, doesn’t matter where, you just need to take care of yourself and-” Richie stops talking as Stan slides his fingers over Richie’s stomach. All of the air rushes out of Richie’s chest in a huff. Stan kisses his shoulder. “See. You don’t even have to get near my cock, and I’m-”

“Gagging for it,” Stan murmurs. Richie hums in agreement.

Stan runs his fingers over Richie’s stomach. He tries to not be self conscious, tries to tell himself that yes he’s gained a little weight, but he’s 40 and a little weight in the belly is to be expected. Stan doesn’t seem to mind at all, just keeps gently tracing his fingers over the soft skin and hair. 

“You’ll tell me if I do something you don’t like, right?” Stan asks.

Settling his hands on Stan’s wrists, Richie nods. “Of course, but I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

Stan hums a little in disbelief. He starts to move lower and then stops.

“Just pretend like you’re alone. I’m not even here. Just… Just do whatever you do to yourself.”

“Not all dicks are the same. And what if-” Stan buries his face in Richie’s curls.

“What if what?”

“What if what I like is weird?”

Richie squeezes Stan’s wrist. “Then I will mock you for the rest of our lives.” They both snort with laughter. “If you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell you. I’ll show you what I do like. I don’t expect us to get everything right the first time.”

“But-”

“It’ll be ok, Stan. I promise.” He wants to turn around so he can see Stan’s face, so he can show the other man his sincerity, but part of him is afraid that if he gets up Stan will take it as Richie not wanting him any more, so he doesn’t move.

With a heavy sigh, Stan kisses Richie’s shoulder again and he moves his hands down. He goes slow, just stroking Richie’s skin, still a little hesitant, but Richie can wait. Richie can be patient. When Stan finally touches him he’s not touching to get Richie off, just to feel him out, and Richie lets out a little sigh. He settles deeper into Stan’s arms and closes his eyes, waiting.

Kissing Richie’s shoulder again, he curls his fingers around Richie a little tighter than Richie likes, but loosens as he begins to gently stroke. He goes slow at first, trying to find the best angle, the best grip. He swipes his thumb over the head of Richie’s dick now and then, smearing the precum and all Richie can do is let out soft little huffs.

Swallowing hard, Richie says, “You can- You can go faster.” Humming, Stan begins to stroke faster, and Richie lets out a groan as he leans his head back over Stan’s shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, just like that.”

Curling one hand up around Stan’s bicep, Richie grips hard at Stan’s thigh with his other. He’s breathing hard _cause oh my God does Stan feels good holy shit_. Richie lets out another wordless groan as Stan begins to suck on his neck, scraping his teeth over Richie’s sensitive skin without slowing down.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Richie moans. “So good. You’re so good.”

Stan licks up Richie’s neck and bites at Richie’s ear and Richie lets out a little whimper.

“I’m close, Stan.”

Twisting his wrist, Stan just hums and goes back to kissing Richie’s neck. When Stan bites a little harder than before, Richie comes in hot spurts all over Stan’s hand and himself. Stan works him through the aftershocks stopping only when it is about to be too much. And then Stan just holds him close, squeezing him tightly while waiting for Richie to catch his breath.

Eventually, Richie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “That wasn’t so hard now was it?”

Smiling into his neck, Stan kisses Richie’s shoulder. “Let me up. I wanna go get a wash cloth so we can clean up.”

“Mmm, not yet. I’m very comfortable.” He leans back into Stan who just lets out a soft chuckle as he kisses Richie’s hair.

“I love you so much,” Stan whispers after a bit.

“Mmm, I love you too.” Closing his eyes, Richie feels so warm and comfortable. His limbs feel heavy and warm and all he wants to do is roll over and shove his face into Stan’s chest.

“You’re falling asleep,” Stan points out.

“No I’m not,” Richie lies.

“Come on, baby boy. Up up up. Just for a minute. When I come back we can sleep.”

“You’ll sleep in here?” Richie asks.

“Yes, baby boy, I’ll sleep in here.”

“Ho-kay.” Richie sits up and leans forward, eyes still closed. He’s so fucking exhausted. It has been such a long and weird day. So many different emotions. Stan kisses his shoulder a few more times before getting up. He doesn’t bother with clothes, just slips out into the living room, but he does make sure to close the door behind him. Richie stays slumped over, dozing lightly until Stan comes back.

His hands are so warm when he touches Richie’s shoulder. Stan whispers, “C’mon, Rich. Lay back.”

“Mmm, wanna lay on top,” Richie mumbles.

“Ok, you can do that. Let me clean you up first.”

Sighing, Richie lays back so Stan can do what he needs to do. Once he’s done, Stan leaves the bed briefly, but comes back a moment later. He slides into bed next to Richie who just wraps his arms around Stan’s waist and shoves his face into Stan’s chest.

Humming, he presses a few kisses into Stan’s chest. “Love you. I’m sleep now.”

“Love you, too,” Stan says and gently runs his fingers through Richie’s hair. Stan says something else, but Richie misses it. He’s already asleep.

***

The next morning Richie wakes up late, but Stan is still passed out next to him. At some point in the night, they’d shifted around, and Richie’s still curled around Stan but now his face is shoved in between his shoulder blades and not his chest. Blinking slowly, Richie presses a few soft kisses into Stan’s shoulder and sits up. Stan huffs in his sleep, but doesn’t wake. Richie looks down at him, studying the curve of his body, his shoulders and neck, and blushes at the hickeys and marks.

Licking his lips, Richie reaches up and touches his own neck. He doesn’t have to see them to know that he’s been marked. Richie pulls himself free from the blankets and finds his sleep pants and shirt, tugging them on before slipping out to the front room.

Patty is in the kitchen, but Richie doesn’t say anything. He’s not quite ready to talk to anyone. He flicks on the bathroom light and closes the door. He jerks his head when he sees himself in the mirror. His neck and shoulders are black and purple all over. He reaches up to touch one of the darker spots and hisses a little. There would be no hiding them.

Shaking his head, he turns from the mirror and goes to the toilet to pee. As he’s standing there, his mind wanders, and he realizes he’s _never_ seen a mark on Patty or Stan. Frowning a little, his heart rate picks up. They hadn’t talked about this, talked about hickeys and what not. He keeps his head down as he washes his hand and flicks off the light without looking at the mirror again.

He hopes that Patty will still be in the kitchen so he can sneak back in his room and talk this out with Stan, but as soon as he opens the door, he and Patty lock eyes.

“Morning,” Patty says brightly.

Richie opens his mouth to say good morning, but instead says, “We gave each other hickeys.” Patty blinks at him. “Not- Not you and me. But Stan and me. I mean- Last night- He- I look worse than him. We got carried away, and I’m sorry.”

Clearing her throat, Patty asks, “Did he specifically tell you _not_ to leave marks?”

Richie shakes his head.

“Well, then you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“It’s just- We never- We, the three of us, never talked about marks, and I’ve never seen marks on you or Stan and I know you fuck.” He blushes hard and wishes he could shove his whole foot in his mouth.

Patty’s face screws up as she tries to not laugh. “It’s ok, Richie. I’m not worried about it.” She lets out a little snort.

“Oh. Ok. I’m- I’m going back to bed.” He doesn’t wait for her to respond, just walks swiftly to his room, and closes the door behind him. He leans up against the door for a moment before taking off his clothes and slipping back into bed.

Stan curls up under his arm and kisses his chest a few times. “Time is it?”

“Uh.” Richie gropes for his phone. “Almost eleven.”

“Really?” He hums. “It’s been awhile since I slept in so late. Is Patty up?”

“Yeah. She’s in the front room.”

Sighing, Stan kisses Richie’s collar bone, and then he starts to giggle. “Oh man, I really went to town on you.”

“Uh huh.”

“I know we didn’t talk about marks, but-”

“It’s fine with me if it’s fine with you,” Richie blurts out. “Patty didn’t seem to care.”

Chuffing, Stan shakes his head a little. “You sure you’re ok with this?” Stan gently touches Richie’s neck, his fingers trailing softly over the bruised skin.

Licking his lips, Richie swallows hard. How can he say he minds when Stan looks at him like _that_ , when he touches him with such reverence.

“Yeah, it’s ok. If you’re good with it.”

Stan presses a soft kiss to the darkest bruise and Richie sucks in a breath. “I’m very on board with this.”

“I just wasn’t sure cause I never saw-”

“Makeup, Richie. Lots of makeup for when we go overboard where it shows, but mostly…” He trails off and Richie can feel him blushing as he ducks his head down.

“Oh.” Richie lets out a small laugh. “Ok. That- That makes a lot of sense.”

Stan pulls Richie closer and kisses him, licking his way gently into his mouth, and they just kiss softly, lazily for a long time. Their fingers trail over their naked bodies, but there’s no purpose, no urgency, just the want to be close and intimate; to touch and to feel.

Eventually, Stan pulls back and sighs. Pushing his forehead into Richie’s, he says, “I have to use the bathroom and I’m getting hungry.”

Humming, Richie kisses his cheek. “Yeah, ok. I’m getting hungry too.”

“Want to get lunch with Patty?” Stan asks as he gets up. He grabs his pajamas but doesn’t put them on.

“Sure,” Richie says as he watches Stan go for the door.

“Alright. I’m gonna shower. I’ll let you know when it’s free.” Stan leaves not even bothering to cover himself as he goes into the front room.

Sighing, Richie flops onto his back and rubs his face. And then it clicks what he’d agreed to. _Going out for lunch._ No amount of makeup is going to cover up the mess that is his neck. He gets up and goes to his closet, digging through his things, but there isn’t a lot. Most of his winter stuff is still back in LA. Sighing, he closes the closet door and finds his pajamas. He walks out to the front room hoping Patty is still there and breathes a small sigh of relief when she is.

“Hey, did Stan talk to you about lunch?” Richie asks.

“Yeah, I’m hungry too. Do you need something to cover that up?” She looks at his neck.

“Please.”

“I don’t think makeup will help much, you have a different skin tone than me and Stan, but I think Stan has some higher necked cardigans and a fancy scarf. I’ll be right back.” She gets up and Richie leans against his door frame. He cannot believe this is his life.

Stan comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist before Patty comes back.

“You doing ok, baby boy?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Patty’s seeing if you have anything to help cover up-” He points to his neck.

“Oh. We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to go out. I could go for a cheeseburger.”

“Alright, well, the shower’s free. I’ll see if I can’t help her.” Stan winks at him before disappearing into his bedroom.

Richie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he heads for the shower.

In the end, Richie does borrow a cardigan and sweater. It helps some, but he knows the bruising creeps up over the edge, and the waiter can see every time they come over. They eye him and the others, but don’t ask any questions beyond taking their orders. The three of them spend the rest of the day just watching TV and working on a puzzle with Stan.


	8. If I Am Left With a Rose In My Hand, Let It Die

Richie wakes up curled around Stan early the following Sunday. He’s been having trouble sleeping so in an attempt to help him sleep the whole night through, he’d slept in Stan and Patty’s room the last few nights because Stan doesn’t want to leave Patty alone. She _hates_ flying. He does manage to sleep a _little_ better curled up on Stan’s side, but not much. He tries to not feel too bad when they all get up, but he can’t help feeling a little guilty when Patty dozes against Stan’s shoulder while they wait for coffee.

Even though Ben has a private jet, they still have a fairly early flight to catch, which is fine with Richie. He knows Mike and Bill won’t be getting in until later that afternoon, which means that Richie has plenty of time to find the best escape routes and hiding places if need be. He’d meant it when he said he didn’t want to be split up from his friends, but he knows himself, and having a plan will help.

After they get some coffee, they get dressed and Stan checks over their bags _again_. He and Richie had gone out on Wednesday to get him better winter clothes and to get them all winter jackets. They were all completely packed by Friday afternoon and the three of them spent the night playing cards and trying to not think too much about the following week.

But now it’s Sunday and there is nothing else to think about. Richie is glued to Stan’s side the moment they wake up, but Stan doesn’t mind at all.

They are ready when the uber pulls up at seven. They are quiet on the way to the airport. Richie just stares out the window and clings tightly to Stan’s hand. They check in at a security desk. Richie can tell the worker recognizes him but the man doesn’t say anything.

In another lifetime, Richie would have cared about people seeing him hold a man’s hand, but today he doesn’t; he just clings harder.

After a few minutes, they are escorted to a private area where they go through security and are led to a lounge where their luggage is taken and they are left to wait. They’ve gotten to the airport about an hour early because Stan didn’t want to get stuck in traffic. Richie knows it makes sense, but he’s so incredibly tired. He leans his head on Stan’s shoulder and dozes while the other man talks to his wife. Eventually they try to wake him up for bagels, but Richie just grumbles and shoves his face into Stan’s shoulder.

A bit later, he stumbles to his feet when Stan tells him they are boarding. They follow a woman to a side door where they are taken to a little golf cart looking thing. They climb on and are driven across the tarmac to a small jet. They get on and the pilot immediately recognizes Richie, but again, says nothing. Richie is beyond thankful for the airline’s professionalism because the last thing he wants to do is talk to strangers.

After taking off their coats and stowing away their stuff, they all sit down and Richie immediately pulls Stan’s arm over his shoulder and shoves his face into Stan’s chest. Chuckling, Stan squeezes him and kisses his hair.

“It’s going to be ok, baby boy,” Stan whispers into his hair and Richie sighs.

“I know. I’m just _fucking tired_.”

“You should try to get some sleep then. We have over a three hour flight ahead of us.”

Richie nods. “Yeah, I know.”

“I’m too nervous to sleep,” Patty says from the otherside of Stan. He squeezes her hand. “Man do I _hate_ flying.”

“It’s going to be fine, ma’am,” the pilot says. The three of them look up at her. “Hi, Im Kay, and I’m going to be your pilot this morning.” They all shake hands.

“Do you have any questions before we begin our preflight check?” Kay asks. They all shake their heads, no. “Well, just so you know, there is a mini bar just here. Everything is complimentary so just help yourselves to whatever you want. There is a restroom just behind that door. We have blankets, pillows, and motion sickness bags in this cabinet. If you need anything else, just let us know.”

“Thank you,” Stan says as Richie gets up and pulls out a blanket and Patty mumbles something incomprehensible.

They all fall silent as the pilot goes through the flight check. Richie drifts somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. He tries desperately to not think about the last time he’d been on a plane and just held tightly to Stan. Things are so different now, so much better. Everything is ok, and everything is going to be ok.

Once they are in the air, he slips into a deeper sleep. When he wakes up crying, Stan kisses his forehead and rubs his arm.

“It’s ok, baby boy,” Stan whispers.

Swallowing hard, Richie just nods. He sees Patty is up talking to the pilots. “Did I scream?” Richie whispers.

Stan shakes his head, no. “You wanna talk about it?”

Sighing, Richie just pulls back a little and rubs his face. “It’s just the same.”

Kissing his hair, Stan says, “Maybe this week will help.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Richie settles closer. So many of the dreams are just him, Eddie, and Bill fighting. He desperately wants the dreams to go away when he makes up with Bill, if he makes up with Bill, but he’s not very hopeful. It’s been so long since Derry and his dreams still feel just as intense.

Laughing, Patty comes back a moment later smiling widely. She’s holding a bottle of hard cider and Richie looks up at Stan.

“Is she drunk?” Richie whispers.

Stan opens his mouth to respond, but Patty beats him to it. “No, Richard. I am not drunk.”

“Then why are you slurring?” Richie asks.

Snorting, Patty flips him off. “You’re just jealous.”

Rolling his eyes, Richie yawns and stretches. “What time is it?”

“In Denver or Atlanta?” Stan asks.

Frowning, Richie just blinks up at him. “Um, how much longer till we get to Denver, I guess?”

“About an hour,” Patty says.

Richie nods a little. “Can we watch something?”

“Sure,” Stan says. He pulls out his laptop and pulls up _Parks and Rec_. Patty leans up against Stan’s other side and messes around on her phone.

The rest of the flight goes quickly. Richie manages to stay awake and _almost_ feels human. By the time they land, the fact that he slept through breakfast has caught up to him, and he’s hungry.

“Can we get food?” Richie asks as they taxi.

“Yeah, of course, baby boy.” Stan kisses his cheek as the plane stops.

“Well, folks, we just want to thank you for flying with us today and we look forward to seeing you again,” Kay says.

Richie looks out the window and frowns. It’s snowing hard. “How cold is it out there?”

“It’s 32 degrees,” Kay says. “Make sure to put on your coats.”

Nodding, Richie gets up and opens the closet with their stuff. He passes out jackets and gets their bags. When they get off the plane, Richie wants to get right back on. It is _so fucking cold_. The wind slices right through him. They huddle together as they shuffle to another cart, this one thankfully is more like a regular car with doors and windows, and they head to the airport.

Once in the building, they are taken to another lounge just past security where they wait for their driver to come get them. Stan texts Ben and Bev that they’ve landed safely while Patty and Richie go to use the restroom. Ben and Bev have gone all out and Richie can’t help but wonder just exactly how much all of this cost.

A man has joined Stan and Patty by the time Richie comes back over. They are talking quietly, and Richie assumes it’s the driver.

“Hello, Mr. Tozier. My name is Jim. Please, come this way. We already have your bags in the car,” the man says. They follow him out to the parking lot where there is a car waiting for them. The man opens the door and they climb in.

“Hey, can we stop for some food on the way?” Stan asks before the driver closes the door.

“Of course,” Jim says. “Did you have some place in mind?”

Stan looks at Richie who shrugs.

“Taco Bell!” Patty calls from inside the car.

Laughing, Stan says, “You heard the lady.”

“Alright, there’s one not far from here.”

Once they are all settled, they take off down the road. They get Taco Bell and Richie eats happily as they drive through the suburbs, heading out of town. Ben and Bev live about an hour outside of Denver, and Richie can’t believe how pretty the snow is. Once the car warms up, they all tug out of their jackets and stare out the windows.

The closer they get to the house, the more tense Richie gets. He holds tightly to Stan’s hand and falls silent even as Patty keeps talking. She’d really taken advantage of the free booze on the plane.

Richie’s mouth falls open when he sees the house. It’s _so fucking big_. And beautiful. He wonders how many bathrooms it has as they park. Ben and Bev come rushing out before they can get out of the car. They pull Richie into a tight hug and Richie’s chest tightens. He’s missed them both so much.

“Oh, my gawd, Richie! It’s so good to see you!” Ben says as Bev kisses his cheek.

“How was the flight?” Bev asks.

“Amazing!” Patty says. She’s considerably less drunk, but still very _happy_

“Oh, Patty!” Bev pushes through the others and pulls her close. Stan just squeezes Ben’s and Bev’s arms.

“Come on. Let’s go inside. It’s _fucking freezing_ ,” Stan says. The driver pops the trunk and Stan grabs a couple of bags. Richie tries to pull away but Ben doesn’t let go.

“Benny, come on. Let’s go inside,” Bev says when she turns and sees her partner glued to Richie’s side.

“Sorry, sorry,” Ben says. “I just missed you.” Ben kisses his cheek and Richie squeezes them one more time before Ben pulls away. They grab the rest of the bags and head in the house.

“This place is _fucking gorgeous_ ,” Stan says pulling Ben in for his own hug once they are inside a small mud room.

“Thanks,” Ben blushes. “Let me show you your rooms. Are you hungry?”

“Nah,” Richie says. “We stopped at Taco Bell.”

“Of course you did,” Ben teases.

“Someone slept through breakfast,” Stan says squeezing Richie’s shoulder. “And someone else got drunk on the plane.” Stan kisses Patty’s cheek.

“Hey! I am a _delightful_ drunk,” Patty says.

“No one ever said you weren’t, babylove,” Stan says and kisses her cheek again.

“You’re ridiculous.” She pushes him away and they all laugh.

“Here, we’ll show you your rooms and give you the tour,” Bev says. They walk through a huge front room and up some stairs to another open room with couches and a TV. On the couches are blankets and pillows, and something is paused on the TV. To the right there is a long hall with lots of doors.

“We don’t really spend a lot of time in the front room unless we are having a party,” Ben says. “This is so much cozier.”

“I like it,” Stan says.

“There are other guest rooms, but we figured everyone would want to be close,” Bev says as she opens a door.

“But we definitely have a nice one ready downstairs if it’s needed.” Ben interrupts Bev as they look directly at Richie. Richie squeezes Ben’s hand and Ben just nods as they let go.

“Richie, we’re putting you in here, and Patty and Stan in the next room. They’re pretty much the same, except different colors,” Bev says. She opens the door and they walk in to find a queen sized bed and a large TV on the wall. The room is huge but cozy, and Richie is thankful that he’s going to be able to escape to somewhere nice if he needs to. They pop in briefly to the next room, and it’s just like Bev had said, the same but different colors.

“This one will be Mike and Bill’s,” Bev says carefully. Everyone glances at Richie, but he just shrugs. He’s not surprised in the least. It’s very similar to the first two, but there is a desk and some bookshelves.

“Bathroom is over here,” Ben says and leads them across the hall. “Technically the four of you will have to share, but there’s a half bath at the bottom of the stairs so if you need to you can go down there, or if the door’s open, you’re welcome to use the bathroom in our room.”

Ben opens the door and the three of them pop their heads in. It’s huge. There is a giant shower separate from the tub, which is also large. Richie glances at Stan and Patty but they don’t say anything, and they all just pop back out.

They go back downstairs and are briefly shown the living room and dining room. The kitchen is huge but has a very lived in feeling. Richie absolutely loves it.

“We also have a game room and an indoor heated pool downstairs if you guys are interested,” Ben says. Richie perks up. He loves swimming.

“Alright,” Stan says, catching Richie’s eye and glancing at his neck.

Reaching up to touch his mostly hickey free neck, but his chest and shoulders are still pretty heavily marked.

“Maybe,” Richie says and Patty snorts with laughter.

Brows furrowed, Ben looks between them with a weird look on their face, but says nothing.

“Are you guys thirsty?” Bev asks. “We have everything: water, tea, coffee, soda, and alcohol.”

“Water is fine,” Patty says. She goes to the other woman and they begin to talk leaving Ben alone with Stan and Richie. They talk quietly about nothing and eventually move up to the living room to watch TV. Richie doesn’t know what to do with himself. Bev and Ben curl up together while Patty sits in an armchair leaving Richie and Stan to choose between the other half of the couch and a loveseat.

Stan sits on the love seat and looks up at Richie who just bites at some loose skin on his lip. Eventually Richie just sits down next to Stan but doesn’t touch him. Stan gives him a soft smile and nod, but turns his attention to the TV. They all talk about nothing while they watch TV and it’s just so nice and relaxing. Richie is starting to feel sleepy again when a video pops up on the TV showing a car pulling up in the driveway.

“Bill and Mike are here!” Bev yells. They all get up and walk to the front door, Richie holding back a little. Stan squeezes his hand as Bev opens the front door and dashes outside, the others hot on her heels. It’s gotten colder, so they just quickly grab bags and rush back in the house where Bill and Mike hug everyone as they struggle out of their coats.

They all stand in the mud room talking about the flight and about what they should do for food while they hug and Bill struggles with his boots. They all laugh a little when he almost crashes to the floor but Richie catches him at the last moment.

“Careful there,” Richie says as Bill stands up.

“Thanks.” They share an awkward smile.

“Jesus, I have to pee!” Mike says and everyone jumps a little, laughing.

“Come on. I’ll show you where it is,” Bev says.

“Oh my gawd.” Bending back over, Bill continues to struggle with his shoe.

“I’ll catch up,” Bill says as he kneels down.

Stan glances at Richie who just waves him on. The others leave talking and laughing loudly. As soon as they are gone, Richie looks down at Bill and opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

After several tries, Richie asks, ” Hey, can we talk?” Bill glances up at him. “A- After you get your shoes off.”

Licking his lips, Bill nods and returns his attention back to his laces. He lets out a little whoop of triumph a moment later. He tugs out of his boots and looks at Richie a little warily as he stands up.

Sighing, Richie says, “I um- I-” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Derry and Eddie and- And I owe you an apology for how I handled things. I- I wasn't being fair. I am so sorry. I just couldn’t get over- I just-” His throat tightens and he has to take several deep breaths.

“I’m sorry, too,” Bill says in a small voice. He drops his head, not quite able to look at Richie’s face. “Eddie-” He clears his throat. “Eddie was the best. He- He was my first friend, you know? He was the first person who didn’t mind my stutter. He was-” He takes another deep breath. “He was the first person I told about Georgie.” He looks up with his eyes full of tears.

“I swear, Richie, I swear if there had been _any other way_ We would have- I would have-”

“I know,” Richie croaks. “I know.”

“I was just so scared. First Stan, then Eddie?” He wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t lose you, too.”

“I know,” Richie murmurs. He holds out his hand and they roughly pull each other close as they begin to sob.

“I really didn’t want to leave him,” Bill sobs into Richie’s neck and Richie just cups the back of his neck.

“I know, Bill, I know.” He buries his face into Bill’s neck and they just cling to each other for a long time. When they finally pull apart, Richie’s nose is stuffed and Bill doesn’t seem much better. He wipes his eyes with the inside of his shirt.

“Jesus.” Bill smiles weakly. “Can’t believe you made me cry before I even got to see my room.”

Throat too tight to talk, Richie squeezes Bill’s shoulder and rolls his eyes a little.

“Richie, I love you so much. I’m sorry I pushed you too hard before. I just- You were alive but so far away and I just couldn’t deal with it.”

“I love you, too,” Richie murmurs and squeezes Bill’s shoulder again. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. You didn’t deserve that, I was just-”

“Yeah, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if I-”

“It’s ok, Bill, Really. I’ve-” Richie takes a deep breath. “I’ve had a lot of time to process, and a lot of things have changed.”

Bill opens his mouth to say something when Ben pops their head in.

“Um, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to pick up the pizza,” Ben says.

“Pizza?” Richie asks.

Bill laughs. “Always with your stomach.”

Blushing, Richie drops his head and laughs softly. “It’s been a long day, and I like pizza.”

Bill pulls Richie close for a one armed hug. “Come on, let's get out of the way so Ben can go get us food.” They move aside and Ben squeezes their shoulders.

“I’m glad you two are talking again,” Ben says.

Bill bites his lip, and Richie says, “Thanks for inviting us.”

“Of course!”

Bill and Richie head into the kitchen while Ben tugs on their coat. The kitchen is empty but they can hear the others talking in the next room. Richie hugs Bill one more time.

“I really missed you,” Richie says.

“I missed you, too.” Bill squeezes him. They walk together into the living room to find Mike on the love seat, and Patty sitting next to Bev, both of them laughing about something. Stan is next to his wife and he looks up as Richie comes over.

“Hey bay- Uh, did Ben tell you they’re getting pizza?” Stan asks, barely catching himself from calling Richie baby boy as he sits next to Stan.

“Yeah,” Richie says. He shoves his feet under Stan’s butt and Stan sights. He leans into Richie’s legs and curls his fingers around one of Richie’s ankles. Richie so wants to lean over and kiss his boyfriend, but he doesn’t. Instead he just wiggles his toes and settles back on the couch. He looks over at Bill who has absolutely melted into Mike. They are stretched out cuddling and holding each other close. Richie looks back at Stan who catches his eye and shrugs.


	9. You Are The Reason I Can Dance Within A Fire of Goodbyes

The next few days go by smoothly, and Richie even gets some good sleep. His bed is so comfortable, and while he does miss Stan, there’s an electric blanket so it’s easy to get in bed, get all snuggly, and watch TV until he falls asleep. It’s harder to get up in the mornings, but he eventually gets up and goes to the kitchen where there’s usually coffee and someone’s probably cooking food.

They spend the first couple of days relaxing, playing games in the game room, and watching TV. It’s like they are back in high school again minus the stress of parents, homework, and Bowers, and it’s just so fucking nice. Richie wishes he could cuddle up with Stan, but neither of them know how to broach the subject, so they just usually sit close. Patty is the best though, and doesn’t cuddle up with Stan like she normally would, and Richie is thankful. He didn’t ask her not to do it, would never have asked her not to do it, but she did it all the same.

But then _early_ Wednesday morning, Richie wakes up gasping for breath and sweating. He has tears in his eyes as he rolls onto his side. He gropes for the side of the bed, and pulls himself up slowly. He tugs on a t-shirt and walks down the hall to Stan and Patty’s door. He takes several deep breaths and knocks softly on the door.

“Stan?” He whispers, his throat tight.

Silence.

Richie knocks again, louder. “Hey, Stan?” Part of him wants to just go in, but he doesn’t want to see a naked Patty, so he just stands there biting his lip and sniffling.

Taking a deep breath, Richie wipes his face and knocks even louder, hoping desperately it won’t wake anyone else up.

Finally the door opens and Stan slips out.

“Richie, are you ok?” Stan whispers as Richie hears a door open.

Blushing, Richie lets out a strangled sob and pulls Stan close. 

“It’s ok, Mike, I’ve got him,” Stan says. If Mike responds, Richie misses it. Stan wraps him up in a tight hug. “Shh, shh, baby boy, it’s ok. I’m here. You’re here. It’s ok. It’s ok.” He strokes the back of Richie’s neck and rocks him a little.

“Will you- Can you-” Richie tries.

“You want me to sit with you for a while?” Stan asks. Richie nods miserably. “Ok, my sweet boy, come on, let’s get you back to your bed.”

“Patty?”

“She’s still asleep. C’mon.” He gently pushes Richie back to his door.

Once in his room, Richie tugs out of his shirt and crawls back into his nest of blankets. Stan slides in next to him and they tangle up together. Nuzzling him a little, Stan kisses his forehead while Richie just cries softly. He feels so ridiculous. He’s a grown ass man who shouldn’t be constantly plagued by nightmares that make him sob.

“You’re ok, Richie,” Stan whispers into his hair. “Even though things are good right now, even though you and Bill are friends again, it doesn’t take away from how stressful the last couple of weeks have been. I know you’re going a little crazy not being able to kiss and hug me like we do at home because _I’m_ going a little crazy, but it’ll be ok. We’ll be ok.”

“I love you, Stan,” Richie whispers. He leans up and kisses Stan softly. And fuck has he missed this. He’s missed kissing his boyfriend and he doesn’t know how he’s going to another four days without being able to kiss him. They should be able to kiss, damnit. They are adults, all of them. It should be fine. Totally fine.

“I love you, too, Richie,” Stan murmurs back a few minutes later.

“I miss this.”

Stan pushes his forehead into Richie’s. “Me too, baby, me too.”

After a few minutes, Richie shoves his face into Stan’s chest and takes a few deep breaths. Eventually he falls back asleep.

The next morning he wakes up alone, and he almost starts crying again. After several minutes, he gets up and tugs on a robe before stumbling down to the kitchen hoping to find Stan alone or even just with Patty, but he doesn’t even make it across the front room when he hears Bev’s laugh and Richie just sighs. He puts on a smile and walks in to find everyone talking and drinking coffee.

“There you are, sleepy head,” Bill says. “Thought you were going to sleep all day.”

Shrugging, Richie goes to get himself some coffee. Stan is leaning on the counter next to it, and bumps gently into Richie as Richie reaches for the pot.

“You doing ok?” Stan asks.

Sighing, Richie shrugs a little.

“You still up for ice skating?” Stan asks softly as the others keep talking about whatever they’d been talking about before Richie came in.

“Yeah,” Richie whispers. “Just tired.”

A weird look passes over Stan’s face but he just nods and squeezes Richie’s shoulder.

They eat oatmeal and cereal for breakfast before splitting up to get dressed. Richie is quiet until they get to the skating rink. It’s utter chaos. Stan and Patty manage to get on their skates and get out to the rink, but it becomes obvious really quickly that they have no idea what they are doing. They fall three times within the first minute of being on the ice. Richie can’t help but point and laugh as Patty tries to get up but falls again.

“Hey, Tozier! That’s my wife you’re laughing at!” Stan yells with a huge grin on his face.

“Yeah, and what are you going to do about it Uris?” Richie asks. “You suck just as bad.”

Snorting, Stan says, “Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face?”

“Why don’t _you_ come over here and we’ll see who’s the bigger man.”

“Pretty sure we know who that is, Richie,” Stan says and pushes off unsteadily from the wall. He makes it all the way to Richie without falling but doesn’t know how to stop so Richie has to catch him. They both laugh.

“You know how good I suck,” Stan murmurs under his breath and Richie squeezes his hip.

“I don’t know. I think I’ve forgotten,” Richie says.

Stan rolls his eyes. “You’re such a brat.”

Laughing, Richie tugs on one of Stan’s curls and pulls away leaving Stan wobbling in the middle of the skating rink to go save Patty who still hasn’t managed to get up.

An hour later, Patty has had enough, and Stan’s right behind her.

“This was fun, but my ass fucking hurts, and I am very ready to get in that shower and just pretend like none of this happened,” Patty says as she sits on a bench and undoes her skates. Stan crawls to her and leans back to take off his own.

“Aww, already?” Ben calls over as he and Bev continue skating. “We’re just getting started.”

“I don’t know, Ben,” Mike huffs as he crashes into the wall for the millionth time. “I think it’s time we call it. “My ass hasn’t felt this abused since-” He gets cut off by Bill _slamming_ into him and they fall in a heap, both of them laughing. Bev snorts with laughter and leans on Ben for support, but Ben, who is laughing so hard they are wiping tears from their eyes, isn’t prepared and they fall too. Richie looks around at his friends as he gasps for breath. He pushes his glasses up so he can wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes.

“Fucking hell,” he wheezes and goes to Bill and Mike to help them up because they are Struggling.

When they get back to the house, Patty immediately heads for the shower while the others head to change, but for whatever reason, Stan can’t get his boot undone and Richie stays to help him with it.

As soon as they are alone, Richie stands up and shoves Stan up against the outer door, kissing him roughly, and Stan kisses him back just as hungrily. Richie pushes closer and can feel Stan’s dick through his pants.

Breaking the kiss, Richie whispers, “Damn, I wish we had time so I could take care of you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Stan says and nibbles on Richie’s ear.

Moaning softly, Richie grinds his hips into Stan’s and is about to say something else when the door behind them opens and Bev lets out a weird squawk. Richie pulls away from Stan so fast he almost falls, but Stan grabs him at the last moment.

“What the fuck are you two doing in here? What? What’s- How? How can you? Stan! Your wife is upstairs in the fucking shower and you’re down here- What the fuck?” Bev spits out.

“Bev, wait-” Stan starts.

“No. No. How could you? _How could you_?!” She’s so pissed. “How could you cheat on your wife?” She hisses. “How could- And with Richie?!”

“Hey!” Richie says.

Ben comes up behind Bev and she smacks their hand away.

“What’s going on?” Ben asks as they take a step back.

“These- These fucking fuckers were fucking making out in our- In the-” She’s so mad she can’t even get the words out and Richie’s not sure how to handle this.

“Bev, Bev, it’s ok,” Stan says as he takes a step closer. Richie thinks it’s the bravest and stupidest thing he’s ever seen someone do. “Patty knows. She knows we’re dating.”

“ _Dating_?!” She hisses. “How can- You expect me to to believe- _With Richie_?!”

“Why do you keep saying my name like that?” Richie asks. “You think I’m not good enough for Stan?”

Bev blushes. “I didn’t- That’s not- That’s beside the point!”

“I think it’s pretty fucked up-” Richie starts but Stan touches his shoulder. They look at each other and Stan shakes his head, no.

“Bev, I swear to you, Patty knows. I would never cheat on her. I could _never_ cheat on her,” Stan says.

Richie looks at the others. Ben also looks pissed, but Mike is just standing there with an amused look on his face, and Bill’s face is totally unreadable.

“This is fucking crazy,” Bev says. “I can’t believe-”

“Why would we lie to you?” Richie asks. “You’re clearly going to tell her, and it doesn’t make sense-”

“You’re right, it doesn’t make sense. I thought you were so hung up on-” She slams her mouth shut so fast and Richie’s chest tightens a little. He glances at Bill but can’t quite meet his eye. Stan takes his hand and laces their fingers together, squeezing tightly.

“Yeah, I know,” Richie says softly. “Things change.”

The kitchen falls silent for a moment.

“Um, for what it’s worth, I totally believe that Patty knows what is going on,” Mike pipes up. Everyone turns to stare at him. “You should have seen how they were when I visited them in Atlanta a while back.”

Richie chokes back a laugh. “We weren’t even dating yet. I didn’t- We didn’t even know-”

“This is so ridiculous! I’m gonna go tell Patty,” Bev says and turns to leave just as Patty comes in the kitchen.

“Tell me what?” Patty asks. She’s wearing a robe, hair still damp and cheeks pink from her shower.

“I caught Stan and Richie making out in the mud room,” Bev says.

Licking her lips, Patty looks at her husband and Richie. “And?”

The room explodes with noise and Patty laughs.

“Oh, come on,” she yells over them. “How are you all so surprised? Aren’t you all supposed to know each other so well?”

“Um, I knew,” Mike pipes up, but Bev just turns to glare at him.

“You are on thin ice, mister!”

“Why? Because I left three adults to figure out their relationship by themselves?” Mike asks and Bill shushes him. Bev crosses her arms over her chest as she watches the people around her.

“Ok, but why all the secrecy?” Bill asks. “Why wouldn’t you tell us?”

Clearing his throat, Stan asks, “You want to know why I, a forty year old man with a wife, didn’t want to talk about something so new?” Richie squeezes his hand.

“Yeah, but it’s us,” Ben says softly.

Stan and Richie exchange a look.

Patty leans into Stan’s side and takes his other hand. “Look, none of us wanted to leave you out of anything, we did talk about telling you, but there was so much unknown with Richie and Bill. I wanted to respect their decision as it’s their relationship, but to be clear, I’m one hundred percent ok with them being together. I love Stan so much, and he has such a big heart, and so much love to give, and I just want him to be happy.”

Letting out a soft huff, Stan squeezes her hand. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, it just never felt like the right time.”

“Everything had finally settled,” Richie adds. “I didn’t want to make things weird again so fast.”

“So, what, now you’re all like in a relationship together?” Bev snaps.

“No,” Patty says. “Stan and Richie are dating, and Stan and I are married, but like Richie and I-”

“No offense, but like ew,” Richie says

“That’s my wife you’re talking about, butthole,” Stan teases.

Richie rolls his eyes and sighs. “We know it’s weird, but like-”

“Are you happy?” Bill asks as he looks directly at Richie.

Clearing his throat, Richie nods. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re really happy.”

“Well that’s good enough for me.” Bill steps forward and pulls Richie into a tight hug.

Throat tight, Richie hugs him back just as hard. “Thanks, Bill,” Richie whispers.

Bill just nods and slaps his friend’s neck as he pulls away. “Love you, Rich.”

“Love you, too.” Throat still tight, Richie looks over at Bev who is just studying him. He doesn't know what to say to her that will make that distrust go away, and he feels a little shitty, because he’d been so wrapped up in what Bill would think he’d forgotten about Bev and how she might feel about all of this.

A minute later, Ben clears their throat. “So, uh, who’s hungry? I’ve got a panini press and I make a mean sandwich.”

Smiling softly, Mike says, “Yeah, I’m starving. What kind of sandwich stuff you got?”

The tense bubble pops, and while Bev is still looking at Richie and Stan warily, she lets everyone turn their attention to lunch. Richie only briefly lets go of Stan’s hand so Stan can take off his shoe, and then they link hands as they walk into the kitchen. Richie leans into Stan a little as they watch Ben pull out a machine and Bill starts taking out sandwich ingredients. They are all talking over each other and laughing a little, people glancing at Stan and Richie from time to time as the two of them lean into each other.

Richie does notice when Bev and Patty disappear. Biting his lip, Richie looks up at Stan who just leans over and kisses his cheek.

“I’m sure it’s fine, baby boy,” Stan mutters into his cheek.

Choking a little, Bill’s head snaps up and Richie blushes. He shoves his face into Stan’s shoulder, but Bill doesn’t say anything as he picks up one of the plates Ben has just set down. When they all have sandwiches, they grab some chips, extra paper towels, and walk up to the TV area where they all sit down.

Patty and Bev come in a few minutes later and sit down next to their respective partners. Stan hands Patty a sandwich as she kisses his cheek and settles next to him. They fall silent as they eat. When they are done, Richie and Bev take the dishes and left over chips back to the kitchen. Richie is about to bolt back out, but Bev grabs his arm.

“Wait, Richie,” she says and he turns. “I’m sorry. I just- I don’t know what I was thinking. I just sort of lost my head.”

“It’s ok, Bev. You were just being you.” She cocks an eyebrow at him. “You are so protective of the people around you. It’s not at all surprising you reacted the way you did. I’m sorry we didn’t take it into account how everyone else might react. I think we were- I mean I know I was focused so much on Bill cause I just- I felt- I _feel_ so guilty. I- I made such a big deal about- and now-” His voice gets caught in his throat.

“I know, Richie. And I’m sorry. We’ve lost so much and life is too short to not do things that make us happy if we can.” She pulls him close for a hug. “I’m happy for you. I’m so happy you’re doing better. I- I know things were rough there for a while.” They pull back and she looks up at him. “You are doing better, right?”

Licking his lips, Richie nods. “Yeah. Mostly.”

Standing up on her tiptoes, Bev kisses his cheek. “I love you, Richie. You are so amazing. I hope you know that.”

A weird look crosses Richie’s face as he blushes. He nods a little and they head back to the TV room. Bev curls up under a blanket with Ben and Mike and Bill are already asleep, all tangled up together on the love seat. Patty looks up at Richie and gets up from where she’d been curled up with Stan.

“Here, Richie. Go on and lay down,” she whispers as she holds up the blanket.

Tears fill his eyes as he curls up on top of Stan’s chest, and Stan pulls him close kissing his forehead. Patty tucks the blanket around them before grabbing another and heading for the recliner. Richie watches her curl up and he just has to lay there and wonder at how lucky he’s gotten as Stan gently rubs his back.

They spend the rest of the afternoon and evening just lazing about, napping some, but mostly just enjoying each other’s company. When it comes time to go to bed, Stan follows Richie into his room, and they just strip to their underwear and snuggle close. More than anything, Richie had just missed being able to touch Stan, but now he doesn’t have to hide it, and it feels so much better.

They get up late the next morning, choosing to spend a little bit of time alone together. Everyone gives them knowing looks when they come out with messy hair, and Richie has a small hickey on his neck. After saying Happy Thanksgiving to each other, they have a light breakfast, while Ben and Mike run around the kitchen cooking and shooing people away from various dishes.

“You all are the fucking worst!” Ben says when they find only four marshmallows left in the bag. “Good thing for y’all I planned ahead.” They pull another bag out of a cabinet and everyone scrambles for the new bag. “No you assholes! I need these. I need them!”

“You don’t need _all_ of them,” Richie argues.

“That’s what you think, you potato head,” Ben growls as their friends chase them around the kitchen. While the others are distracted, Bev and Patty eat the last four marshmallows.

“I’ve set out a delicious veggie plate, so many dips and chips, and yet you come for my marshmallows,” Ben grouses as they all laugh.

“Yes, yes, the veggies look good,” Richie says as he attempts to grab the bag.

“Stan! Stan! Come get your boyfriend! He’s a menace!” Ben yells.

“Baby, if you get me a marshmallow, I’ll blow you,” Stan deadpans and Ben squawks.

“Stanley!” Ben yells as they shove the bag of marshmallows under their shirt. “Patty! Help!”

“Hey, maybe if you give Richie a marshmallow, he’ll leave you alone.” Patty and Stan snort with laughter.

“But if I give him marshmallow I’ll have to give everyone a marshmallow and then there won’t be enough for-”

“Ben, my love, there will be plenty for the sweet potatoes if you give us all a marshmallow,” Bev giggles.

Sputtering, Ben says, “Y’all have had a whole bag already! Why- Why are you all like this?”

Eventually Ben does hand over some marshmallows just so the others will leave them alone, and of course there are plenty of marshmallows for the sweet potatoes.

They all wander in and out of the kitchen all day to snack and cook. When dinner is almost ready, Stan sets the table while Bev and Mike help Ben with the finishing touches of dinner. Bill, Richie, and Patty stay in the TV room until Stan comes in to get them.

“Dinner’s ready,” he says leaning over the couch where Richie is curled up under a blanket.

“Finally,” Richie says. Stan leans down and they share a kiss before getting up.

They walk into the front room, and the table is set so beautifully, so many dishes waiting to be eaten. Richie’s mouth waters as he sits down. It’s not until everyone is seated that he realizes there’s an extra place set, and he opens his mouth to ask about it, but Ben beats him to it.

“You set one too many places,” Ben says.

“No I didn’t,” Stan says quietly as he squeezes Richie’s knee.

“But-” Ben starts and then stops.

“I thought it would be fitting to leave a space for Eddie.”

Richie’s throat tightens and tears fill his eyes as he gropes for Stan’s hand under the table. He squeezes tightly and Stan squeezes back. Richie looks up when he hears someone sniffle from across the table and sees everyone is pushing back tears.

“Yeah,” Richie manages. He shifts in his seat and looks over at Bill who is a few chairs over. He’s leaning forward with his hands over his eyes as he takes shaky breaths. Leaning into Mike, Richie reaches around and squeezes Bill’s shoulder. Eyes still closed, Bill reaches up and takes Richie’s hand, squeezing gently.

It takes them all several minutes to pull themselves together enough to turn their attention back on the food. Ben carves the turkey while everyone quietly passes around food, murmuring how good it looks. When all their plates are full, Richie takes another deep breath.

“Who wants to take off their shirts and kiss?” Bev asks. Everyone looks up at her and then they all burst into laughter.

“What?” Stan asks and Patty shrugs.

“The first night back in Derry, we got like super shitfaced, and at one point, Eddie and I were messing around and he said that,” Richie explains through his laughter.

“And you didn’t take him up on it?” Stan asks, also laughing.

“I mean right after that the fortune cookies attacked us, and-” Bev starts and Bill snorts with laughter.

“Man, what those workers must have thought when they came in and we were all freaking out. Like all of us were screaming and standing up against the walls except Mike who was fucking slamming a chair into the table screaming about how it wasn’t real,” Bill says and they all laugh.

Richie laughs, but he feels something tug a little at his heart. He knows that’s when they’d found out about Stan, or at least thought they had, and hopes no one keeps talking about it, but then they just start talking about Eddie as a kid, and just all the stupid shit they used to do.

The conversation starts to break up into smaller groups as people talk to their neighbors about the random shit that friends talk about, and Richie falls quiet. Stan lets him, but makes sure to constantly be touching him whether that means a foot, a knee, or a hand, and Richie’s thankful for it.

After everyone’s eaten pie, most of them wander back up to the TV room and flop on the couches. Richie and Bill offer to start the dishes, and Ben lets them, telling them to not worry about putting anything away really, they’ll do it later.

“Thanks for not telling Stan what really happened,” Richie whispers over the sound of the water.

“There’s some things that don’t need to be said,” Bill says as he sets a stack of dishes next to the counter.

They talk quietly about nothing as they work, and when they’re done with most of the big stuff, and the dishwasher is going, they wash and dry their hands. Before heading up to the others, Bill pulls Richie close for a tight hug.

“I know we didn’t talk for _years_ , that we didn’t remember each other, but now that we do, it’s weird to think we’ll never see Eds again,” Bill says as he pulls away.

Clearing his throat, Richie nods his head. “Yeah, yeah…”

“You ok, Rich?” Bill asks.

Hesitating, Richie lets out a deep breath. “Not really.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Richie shakes his head, no.

“Ok. Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Bill says. He squeezes Richie again and they go up to the others. Stan and Patty are curled up, both snoring softly, and Richie smiles a little at them. He sits on the floor in front of them, and leans his head back against Stan’s side as Bill and Mike cuddle up together. Ben and Bev are sitting together playing something on Bev’s phone. She looks up when Richie lets out a soft sigh, but doesn’t say anything.

The rest of the day moves slowly, and Richie feels like he’s floating again. He’s tired so he doesn’t fight it, just sort of bobs along until bedtime. He doesn’t say anything when Stan slips in a few minutes after Richie's closed his door, just shifts over a little and lets Stan pull him close. He dozes but doesn’t really sleep.

At around one, he gets out of bed and starts wandering around the house. He’s tired but his brain just keeps whirring but it’s mostly static. Eventually he finds himself in the pool area. He rolls up his sleep pants and sits at the edge with his feet in the water. He doesn’t know how long he sits there staring at nothing when Stan comes in.

“Here you are. We’ve been looking for you. We were worried.” Stan says softly. “Are you ok?”

Richie looks up at him. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Squatting down next to Richie, Stan kisses his forehead. “I’ll be right back, baby boy.”

“Ok.”

Stan gets up and leaves quietly. He comes back a few minutes later with some water and sits down next to Richie who just accepts the inevitable and takes the bottle.

“You doing ok? You’ve been really quiet since dinner.” Stan asks.

Taking a drink of the water, Richie swishes his legs and shrugs. “I’ve just been thinking. About Eddie. And about you. And us.”

Stan licks his lips but doesn’t say anything.

“I love Eddie, and like, I always will. There will _always_ be a part of me that misses him, but I don’t want that to keep me from loving you. I don’t want that to stop our relationship, I just feel so guilty.” He pauses. “But Eddie wouldn’t want me to. He would want me to be happy, and he’d be pissed if he knew that I was-” He takes a deep breath. “I love you, Stan, and I don’t want to feel guilty about it any more.”

“I love you, too, Richie. And I know there will always be a part of you that loves Eddie, and that’s ok.”

“Is it though? How can a person be… in love…” Blushing, Richie lets out a weird laugh.

“Were you _really_ going to ask _me_ how a person can be in love with two people at once?” Stan’s laughter echoes through the room and, smiling, Richie shoves his face into Stan’s shoulder. Stan wraps an arm around Richie’s shoulders and pulls him close. “I love you, you ridiculous boob.”

Richie leans up and kisses Stan. “I love you, too. So much.”

They keep kissing, softly, just wrapped up in the moment. Richie knows there’s still a bit to work through, and he knows that there are still bad days to come, but he also knows there are good days, days where he’ll be able to hang out with his friends, and kiss Stan, and laugh. He also knows there will be days like today where both will happen, but it’ll be ok, because at the end of the day, he has Stan, and Patty, and the other Losers, and on the really bad days, they’ll be there to help pick him back up.

Eventually, they get up and to go back up to bed, but Stan pulls Richie quietly to Ben and Bev’s room. The other Losers and Patty are all stretched out in the bed and Richie just lets out a strangled laugh.

“What are you guys doing in here?” Richie asks.

“Waiting for you,” Bill says. Everyone shifts around a little as they make space near the middle for Stan and Richie. Sighing, Richie pulls Stan’s arms around him while facing Bill. Quietly, he takes Bill’s hand and squeezes. Everyone says goodnight, and there’s some jostling and grunting as people squirm to get comfortable, but it’s not long before they all drop off one by one.

The next morning Richie wakes up with his face smashed into Bill’s chest and Stan half on top   
of him. He can’t remember the last time he felt so loved, so even though he kind of has to pee, he just sighs and squeezes the limbs he can grasp, not even sure whose they are, and goes back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So. This fic was supposed to be a ficlet. It wasn't supposed to be this, but thanks to my friend Lou, I have once again written something much longer. It's been an interesting ride, lots of ups and downs.
> 
> ***
> 
> The fic title and chapter titles come from the song [Forgotten Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GR22t4obLI) by Aurora. It's a beautiful song about moving on after loosing a friend, and just. So pretty.
> 
> ***
> 
> Come visit me on [tumblr](https://nblesbianbenhanscom.tumblr.com/)!


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